DENVER – Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller mugs for the camera during the fourth quarter of the blowout win over the Cleveland Browns Sunday at Sports Authority Field. Steve Nehf, The Denver Post

It’s been a rough year for NFL players and food.

First, Colts quarterback Matt Hasselbeck was felled by a chicken burrito. Now, Broncos linebacker Von Miller is dealing with the aftereffects of some movie theatre mozzarella sticks.

From USA Today:

Star pass rusher Von Miller indulged in the delicious greasy snack while taking in a Tuesday night showing of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Midway through the show, his stomach started feeling funny, and wound up dozing off before the climax of the film. By Wednesday morning, it was clear he was too sick to practice, and coaches sent him home.

“The Force struck back,” Miller quipped Thursday afternoon.

A day later, and the toxins flushed from his body, Miller was back, and a full participant in practice. But memories of the meal remained.

“You can’t put regular gas in a Ferrari,” Miller said. “I learned my lesson.”

The idea of dipping foods in a dark theater is bad enough — only lunatics eat mozzarella sticks without marinara sauce, which is a movie-viewing disaster waiting to happen. Miller’s illness must be karma for whoever is forced to do the man’s laundry.

Anyway, this got us thinking. What are the five worst foods to eat in a movie?

Theater-Popcorn

5. McDonald’s – This is mostly for the sake of your fellow movie-going patrons. Don’t be the guy who sneaks in a Big Mac and fries and stinks up half the theatre. This could really apply to any pungent food, but I’ve experienced the McDonald’s move firsthand.

4. Hot dog/brat – I’m 22 and I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve eaten a hot dog without spilling mustard on myself. Maybe this entry should just be, “anything with mustard on it.” By the way, a hot dog is most definitely a sandwich.

3. Anything with a peel – What happens when you’re finished eating your banana, orange etc.? Nothing good, that’s what.

2. Chips and salsa – If you’ve never spilled on yourself while eating chips and salsa you’re either missing out one of life’s greatest flavor combinations or a dirty liar. Also, how loud will that be!

1. Chipotle – E coli is no fun.

About Ben Sieck

Ben is a recent graduate of Butler University where he served as Managing Editor and Co-Editor-in-Chief for the Butler Collegian. He currently resides in Indianapolis.