Premium Cable Region:
1. Game of Thrones vs. 16. Real Sports
Khaleesi against Bryant Gumbel? What are we talking about here? Bernard Goldberg might give the Baratheons a brief battle, but he would ultimately fall. Frank Deford never thought a fantasy epic with swords, royalty and dragons would catch on, but it’s a cultural phenomenon. We love Real Sports‘ longform journalism, and hope that Mary Carillo and Andrea Kremer would be spared grisly fates, but a magazine show can’t hold up against a rich character drama that is the best damn series on television.
8. Homeland vs. 9. Girls
Hannah Horvath has no chance against Carrie Mathison. The CIA would wipe out Greenpoint, Brooklyn with one phone call. This is an unfair and ugly matchup.
5. Veep vs. 12. Shameless
OK, Selina Meyer is the vice president and eventual president of the United States. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is TV royalty, leading a deep cast of extremely talented comedic actors. But the Gallaghers are fighters. They’ve had to overcome their drunk father, Frank, and a working-class upbringing that could kindly be called difficult. While that isn’t always as funny as what happens in Selina’s office (if only the current campaign was as entertaining), it makes for a far more relatable and thus more memorable story to follow.
4. The Leftovers vs. 13. True Detective
The fact that True Detective is a 13 seed shows just how far that show fell in its massively disappointing second season. Suffering an identity crisis, True Detective could never find itself despite an impressive cast. Meanwhile, The Leftovers got better in its sophomore season, daringly reinventing itself by changing locations, veering away from the original source novel and focusing its storylines. It’s a bold show that almost dares you to watch it, as opposed to a pretentious mess that pushes viewers away.
6. Billions vs. 11. Vinyl
Billions very much feels like something that’s happening now, with crusading federal attorneys looking to take down greedy Wall Street managers who have capitalized on the misfortune of others to make themselves wealthy. Yes, it’s sort of a fantasy. It might be Bernie Sanders’ favorite show, for all we know. Compare that to Vinyl, which just doesn’t feel authentic, though it tries so hard to capture the 1970s rock scene. Bobby Cannavale deserves his showcase, but the series is just too unfocused and rambling.
3. Silicon Valley vs. 14. Banshee
The start-up programmers and entrepreneurs of Silicon Valley are cute and amusing, but Banshee goes deep and dark, looking at the worst aspects of human nature and asking if it’s possible to change who you are. Richard, Erlich and friends deal with a huge industry and try to fight for their piece of it, but Sheriff Lucas Hood (which is a stolen identity) and his crew are fighting for their lives and have killed a lot of people to protect what’s theirs. Not even the Russian mob and gigantic, homicidal Native Americans scare these guys.
7. The Knick vs. 10. The Affair
Dr. John Thackery is a brilliant surgeon, but lets his vices and self-destructive impulses get in his way. Everyone at the Knickerbocker Hospital is far too concerned with their own desires and ambitions to stave off any threat. Maybe that applies to novelist Noah Solloway too. But Alison Lockhart is not to be messed with. She’s been through too much, including losing her son, to lose a first-round matchup to a bunch of doctors and nurses handcuffed by their personal foibles.
2. Last Week Tonight vs. 15. Outlander
Look, John Oliver cares. He sees the wrongs in the world, arguably devoting more time each week than anyone else on TV to pointing them out and educating viewers on why they should be equally outraged. And he somehow manages to make it funny, while also infuriating. Claire and Jamie are in the midst of the war, but really, they’d rather just go off and get it on somewhere. Who could blame them? They’re both gorgeous. But Oliver won’t let go, and that’s why he wins.
Second Round
1. Game of Thrones vs. 8. Homeland
Carrie Mathison could not mentally handle the battle at Winterfell. Seeing Dragons and Night Kings would surely make her think she needs to change her medication. While she curls up into a ball and hides, the Baratheons and Lannisters easily advance in pursuit of their territories.
4. The Leftovers vs. 12. Shameless
Gallaghers never quit, but they haven’t faced the Sudden Departure. (They might actually enjoy such an event, come to think of it.) But the people of Jarden, Texas are fighting against religious oppression and murderous zealots while possibly even cheating death. That’s clutch.
6. Billions vs. 14. Banshee
Lucas Hood would steal everything Bobby Axelrod has, including his wife. If it came down to a physical contest, that would be no match either. Hood fights dirty, really dirty, on a far different battleground than Wall Street.
2. Last Week Tonight vs. 10. The Affair
John Oliver would demonstrate to Noah and Allison why their relationship has been wrong and hurtful, probably with a 15-minute monologue with jokes, funny graphics and strange metaphors to make his point about how destructive adultery and divorce can be. They’d break up with each other, while Oliver would adjust his glasses and grin.
Sweet Sixteen
1. Game of Thrones vs. 4. The Leftovers
The Leftovers may be riveting, but it’s ultimately a small story, one which is completely overwhelmed by the scope and ambition of George R.R. Martin’s saga. Kevin Garvey and crew don’t have much story left in them, while Game of Thrones has plenty more to tell. Anyone who dares oppose is crushed with everyone they love taken with them.
2. Last Week Tonight vs. 14. Banshee
Hood is tenacious, but ultimately wants to get away from his life of crime and live peacefully. Oliver reminds him of this, perhaps with several photos and YouTube clips of puppies and sloths playing, and Hood gives up the fight.
Elite Eight
1. Game of Thrones vs. 2. Last Week Tonight
The real winner here is HBO president Michael Lombardo. Even in a somewhat down year for the network, he has two of the best shows on TV and people pay to watch them. (Well, unless they’re swiping HBO Go and HBO Now passwords.) But Oliver would take one look at the Red Wedding and decide he’s had enough. Nothing is funny about that. Why even bother to make jokes?
East Region Final Four Representative: Game of Thrones
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