The NBA and NHL conference finals games were so bad last night, I’m not giving them the privilege of leading The Cheat Sheet. Really I’m sick of these bad NBA Eastern Conference playoffs in general, and while I know our main goal here is to cover the top stories in sports from the previous day, I don’t think you really care about this Cavs-Raptors series either. In fact, let’s just go all-in wacky and do this edition backwards!
One last first breath of gratuitous procrastination
The glorious cheese ball machine gun…
Quick Hits
– It didn’t take recently-fired Pacers coach Frank Vogel to find a new gig. He’s the new Orlando Magic head coach. Great hire by the Magic. – Matt Harvey was really bad again for the Mets on Thursday against the Nats, and was even booed off the mound by his home fans. His velocity is noticeably down, and Bryce Harper said he “feels bad” for Harvey. The Mets will consider skipping Harvey’s next start, and that may be the least of their worries with his big velocity drop.
As for pitchers doing well right now… the White Sox’s Chris Sale. Pitcher wins are dumb, but Chris Sale is 9-0 in nine appearances, and his performance on the mound has deserved that record. ESPN Sweet Spot’s David Schoenfield writes how Sale belongs in that Clayton Kershaw, Jake Arrieta talk.
– Duke hoops got another five-star recruit in Marques Bolden, giving them four five-star recruits. They also got a four-star recruit, and while they lose Brandon Ingram to the NBA Draft, return players such as Grayson Allen. Goodness. Read much more on it here.
– Milwaukee Bucks send players financial data in e-mail scam.
– The Atlanta Braves season summarized in one headline: Braves SS Erick Aybar misses game because of chicken bone stuck in his throat.
– Not long ago, Patrick Willis was an All-Pro linebacker for the San Francisco 49ers. Now? Willis is thriving in his second career as a Silicon Valley tech worker. Pretty awesome story there.
– George Springer robbed a home run after taking a terrible route.
– Brandon Phillips freaked Juan Uribe out with a fake tag.
– John Cena will host this year’s ESPYS.
– The Tampa Bay Lightning turned their rink into one big Mario Kart game. Amazing.
– Peyton Manning is getting a beer called “Oatmaha”.
Speaking of Peyton Manning, he landed on Brad Gagnon’s list of the 12 worst quarterback performances in NFL history.
– Cam Newton has a sweet new gold-plated car.
– Alabama has offered a scholarship to an eighth grade linebacker because of course they have.
– Kenny Mayne had some, um, interesting horse racing analysis.
– They played ‘Tecmo Super Bowl’ in Family Guy, with Peter having the very unfair advantage of having the Raiders with Bo Jackson.
– Taco Bell is getting close to being the Taco Bell we laughed at in Demolition Man. – Conan catches his employees eating cake. This would be a pretty awesome office to work at:
The Sharks shut out the Blues to take a 2-1 lead in the Western Conference Finals
Sharks goaltender Martin Jones stopped all 22 shots on goal, and Tomas Hertl scored twice for San Jose, to give the Sharks a 3-0 win. And it gives them a 2-1 series lead over the Blues. Extended highlights of the Sharks’ win:
The Joe Thornton pass on Hertl’s second goal is just… well I don’t know how the hell it’s possible. Magic:
let’s admire that Thornton pass some more pic.twitter.com/zcgTFSIE9P
— Stephanie (@myregularface) May 20, 2016
The Cavs blew out the Raptors again
Cavs 108, Raptors 89. 2-0 Cavs series lead, although you might as well just mark the Cavs off for four wins already. Highlights of the Cavs’ (easy) win:
LeBron had a triple-double, passed Shaq for fourth on the postseason scoring list, and threw down this awesome reverse jam:
Now, while their competition has been bad the entire time, the Cavs really look awesome right now. I wasn’t sure about them vs any of the three top dogs in the West (Warriors, Thunder, and Spurs) coming into the playoffs, but they can beat anyone if they maintain this level of play (but it will be obviously more difficult to do so against better competition in The Finals).
One last breath of gratuitous procrastination
Oldie but goodie: A bulldog that likes playing with boxes.
