The Crystal Ball: Week Seven

Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!

Aaron handed off the Crystal Ball to me with the kind of stunning nonchalance that you’d expect from someone who borrowed your car for a day and returned it with the gas tank on “E” and a couple suspicious stains in the back seat. Heading into its seventh week in circulation, this baby was starting to show some wear and tear. I’m pretty sure someone took it into the bathroom at some point, and it was covered in more greasy smudges than Charlie Weis’ shirt after lunch at KFC.

I gave our oracle a little of my patented ALC (Allen’s Loving Care) with the hope that she’d keep spitting out winners. The Crystal Ball graciously obliged.

South Carolina at LSU

A three-game stretch that no one should envy: Georgia, at LSU, at Florida. That’s the first three weeks in October for South Cackalack.


Last week, the Crystal Ball revealed that the Bulldogs will drop their third straight match-up with the Gamecocks. Forget Gamecocks, a 6-0 start will have the Ol’ Ball Coach preening like a peacock.


This week, however, the grind will catch up with South Carolina. Well, that and the fact that the Tigers are just a better team. Get ready for a defensive bloodbath, and the Crystal Ball says the Bayou Bengals get a hard-fought win.

LSU 24, South Carolina 20

Stanford at Notre Dame

Nerd alert! The only thing dorkier about this match-up than the Cardinal players on the field are these jokers. In the opinion of the Crystal Ball, of course.

It should come as no shock that the arrival of Andrew Luck – a huge dork in his own right – coincided with a three-game winning streak for Stanford in this kinda rivalry. The Crystal Ball would like to remind you that Luck will be taking his lumps in Indianapolis this fall. Hot-blooded ND coach Brian Kelly has no excuse if he can’t turn the tide at this point.

BK, hot off the grill.

Fortunately for the BK Broiler, the Crystal Ball says he need not worry. The Fightin’ Irish will pull out the victory in triple overtime following a missed two-point conversion by Stanford.

Notre Dame 42, Stanford 40 (3 OTs)

Alabama at Missouri

Happy now, Mizzou? You could be playing Baylor this week. But, noooo, you had to go and be a big shot and act all “Southern.”

Well, you may not be messing with Bevo anymore, but you’re still getting the horns.

The Crimson Tide will be rolling into town in week seven, and Nick Saban doesn’t play around. Per the Crystal Ball, ‘Bama is going to run the ball down the Tigers’ throats.

Alabama 31, Missouri 17

Texas vs. Oklahoma

Just my luck to get the Crystal Ball for the week of the Red River Shootout. Honestly, it took me a day or two to work up the nerve to dial up the spirits to see what’s going to happen at the Cotton Bowl.

Thankfully, the Crystal Ball quickly assuaged my fears.

It turns out that UT’s quarterback play and wide receivers haven’t developed yet to the point that the Longhorns are ready to return to the top of the conference, let alone the country. The Texas D is as salty as expected, but David Ash’s inability to stretch the field and make plays through the air will hamstring his team. OU won’t move the ball with the same efficiency as it did in last year’s bloodbath, but the Sooners will have enough chances that they’ll eventually take control of the game in the second half.

Oklahoma 27, Texas 17