If you’ve ever had an embarrassing first date, this story should make you feel better. It doesn’t get much crappier than this. Literally.
Liam Smyth, a man from Bristol, England, met up with a woman he met on Tinder and took her out for some chicken at Nandos. Afterward, she went home with Smyth for some wine, a scientology documentary, and a post-dinner poo. Unfortunately, the anonymous woman clogged the toilet, picked up her feces and chucked them out the window in a panic.
Smyth has started a GoFundMe campaign for the cost of replacing the window. Here’s his recap of the incident:
About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.
“I went for a poo in your toilet”, she told me “and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”.
That’s embarrassing but doesn’t sound like the end of the world, right? Well, unfortunately the window in Smyth’s bathroom doesn’t actually open to the outside. There’s actually a gap of about 18 inches before a second window. So the poop never reached the great outdoors, instead slamming into the pane of glass.
Smyth had resorted to finding a hammer and chisel to break open the window, but his date had other ideas:
Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested “inside out blag as glove” technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
Talk about making a bad situation worse.
With his date stuck, Smyth had to call the fire department, who responded promptly and removed the woman in 15 minutes.
Through 14 hours, Smyth has raised more than £1,400, easily surpassing his goal of £200. He’ll split the extra cash between a pair of apt charities: one that builds and maintains toilets in the developing world, and another that provides financial, psychological and medical resources to firefighters.
[AOL | Photos: Liam Smyth]