You may have seen this last night. If not, you’re in for a treat. (That’s a Halloween joke.)
ONLY IN FLORIDA: Miami man dresses up his 13 foot alligator for Halloween. He says it's Gwendolyn's favorite holiday bc of the treats @wsvn pic.twitter.com/016f0s5r09
— Brian Entin (@BrianEntin) October 31, 2016
Okay. So, three things, in no particular order:
1. Gwendolyn is a metal name for an alligator, doubly so because it’s a male alligator.
2. He’s not actually giving the alligator candy, right? Wouldn’t the alligator Halloween candy equivalent be, like, an extra raw chicken? Or is it possible that random Florida guy with a giant pet alligator wearing a top hat and sunglasses is perhaps not strictly adhering to a zoologist approved alligator diet?
Let’s go to the news report:
Gwendolyn, the 13-foot pet alligator who lives in the backyard of a Coconut Grove home, was dressed up in a green shades and a purple top hat.
Gwendolyn’s owner, David Van Buren, has had the pizza-eating, cookie-devouring gator for 47 years.
Oh, so no, he’s not. In fact, Van Buren had a bit of a battle earlier this year to keep Gwendolyn:
But when his owner shows up with treats, the 13-foot male reptile comes out for his fix of pizza and cookies. “Oh, look at this. Now we’re excited. You like that,” said Van Buren as 7News cameras captured the alligator feasting on the snacks, Wednesday.
Van Buren has had Gwendolyn for the past 47 years, since he was 9 years old. He even took the gator to college.
…
The reptile’s length has brought Florida Fish and Wildlife officials back to their home. “Once we received the complaint about the alligator in the backyard, we started our investigation again,” said FWC spokesperson Lorenzo Veloz.
Officials said the gator is now too big for the Coconut Grove yard. “Unfortunately, Gwendolyn the alligator is not in the proper caging it is supposed to be,” said Veloz. “Mr. Van Buren has been advised about this right now, and at the moment, we are investigating the whole situation.”
Fish and wildlife officials said the best outcome for Gwendolyn is to actually stay with David, because the alligator is so used to living with him. However, first he’ll have to make changes to his property.
Okay, so that’s a lot to unpack, but the best part is that this is just straight news. That Florida officials are just ho-hum about this tells me that all across the state, there are people with their own Gwendolyn in the back yard. Eating cookies, apparently, because gators can survive on the basic Florida diet.
3. How the hell is that hat staying on? And the glasses? And who puts them on and off? Is it really, truly a domesticated alligator? How is that even a possible sentence?
That’s it. Hopefully everyone had a good time, especially Gwendolyn, who is definitely not going to eat anyone ever.
[WSVN]
