After Super Bowl LI, Tom Brady’s jersey was stolen. You know that by now. The jersey still hasn’t been recovered, and the perpetrator is still at large.

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick isn’t happy about the theft of the historic item, and wants the Texas Rangers (of Chuck Norris variety) to get involved.

Unfortunately, it appears Patrick is going to get the help of the *baseball* Texas Rangers instead.

Let’s be honest here – if Adrian Beltre is the lead detective, the jersey will be recovered within five minutes if the team just tells him the thief was responsible for all of that head touching over the years.

About Joe Lucia

I'm the managing editor of Awful Announcing and the news editor of The Comeback. I also made The Outside Corner a thing for six seasons.