Midwest Region:
1. Virginia Cavaliers vs. 16. Hampton Pirates
Don’t let the swords in their logo fool you, a cavalier is not going to fight and win against a pirate. A cavalier is basically a flamboyant pirate, so Hampton gets the upset win in round one!
8. Texas Tech Red Raiders vs. 9. Butler Bulldogs
A raider is, again, a pirate… but this one is red! A bulldog is a cute, slow, fat dog that slobbers. Red Raiders prevail.
4. Purdue Boilermakers vs. 12. Arkansas Little Rock Trojans
Another Trojan in the field, this time going up against a boilermaker which, per Wikipedia, is a trained craftsman who produces steel fabrications from plates and sections. Literally a guy who makes boilers. Don’t believe me? Here’s what the Purdue website says:
The nickname stemmed from the nature of a Purdue education. As a land-grant institution since its founding in 1869, the college had schooled the sons and daughters of the working class for occupations that were considered beneath the high-born who attended liberal arts colleges such as Wabash.
Over the years, Purdue teams had been called grangers, pumpkin-shuckers, railsplitters, cornfield sailors, blacksmiths, foundry hands and, finally, boilermakers. That last one stuck.
We almost had Pumpkin Shuckers. Dammit. Advantage Trojans.
5. Iowa State Cyclones vs. 13. Iona Gaels
For the second straight region, we almost had a weather event against a magical being, as the Iona logo looks a bit like a leprechaun. Alas, he is not.
The symbol of Iona College’s athletic teams is the popular Gael. A Gael is anyone of Irish-Gaelic ancestry, consistent with the Irish tradition of Iona. The College was founded in 1940 by the Congregation of Christian Brothers, commonly known as the Irish Christian Brothers.
The Gael, which is depicted as a spunky character, provides Iona with a nickname consistent with the school motto, certa bonum certamen, (“fight a good fight”) and personifies strength.
Yeah, give me the bird tornado any day of the week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIqHZMCMUw8
6. Seton Hall Pirates vs. 11. Gonzaga Zags (Bulldogs)
Pirate meets dog and does one of two things, it either slays the dog or turns the dog into his scurvy pet to sail the seas with and help protect from other pirates stealing his booty. It’s as good a time as any to run this video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyZk6CGdfhM
3. Utah Utes vs. 14. Fresno State Bulldogs
The Utes are a proud Native American tribe from the Utah area of the United States. They get the win over a bulldog from Fresno.
7. Dayton Flyers vs. 10. Syracuse Orange
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-1xT4lqlv0
In the entire bracket, this might be the worst matchup of any. A flyer—literally a person who flies—against the color orange, or as it’s been for years, the fruit. Of all the teams to change names after the NCAA’s ban on Native American imagery unless agreed upon by local tribes, Syracuse has the worst mascot/nickname in sports. At least in terms of fighting.
2. Michigan State Spartans vs. 15. Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders
The region ends with a great fight, Spartan against a raider. But why is the raider blue? Is he sad? He’s probably sad. Let’s go with the Spartans.
Second Round
16. Hampton Pirates vs. 8. Texas Tech Red Raiders
12. Arkansas Little Rock Trojans vs. 4. Iowa State Cyclones
6. Seton Hall Pirates vs. 3. Utah Utes
7. Dayton Flyers vs. 2. Michigan State Spartans
Boy golly, there are a lot of pirates and raiders in this region. Let’s say the raiders top the pirates because they’re red, which means angry (hey, if blue means sad, go with it), while a cyclone would annihilate an entire army of Trojans.
Pirates top Utes, though that might depend on whether the fight was on land or sea, and the Spartan takes out Dayton because in a pressure situation, they’ll always pick flight over fight.
Sweet 16 & Elite Eight
Red Raiders lose to the Cyclones and the Pirates fall to the Spartans because of the armor and long-standing tradition of war. And the Cyclone already took out Troy, how in the world will Sparta have a chance?
Midwest Region Final Four Representative: Iowa State Cyclones
Continue to the South on the next page…
