When you’re the owner of a dog terrified by fireworks, July 4th Weekend sucks.
There’s nothing to do but slap a thundershirt on your little buddy, pump him or her up full of drugs, and then ride out the booms, blasts, and fizzles. You can’t go anywhere where you won’t hear the celebrations. Even if you avoid official fireworks shows, there’s always at least one neighbor who might just pull a Jason Pierre-Paul with all of the flammable options at their disposal. And since it doesn’t get dark until late (at least where I live), that means the “fun” doesn’t end until midnight, at least.
So have fun celebrating July 4th while dog owners across America are at home giving you the finger.
It’s an NBA free agency free-for-all
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…for people who start fake NBA reporter Twitter accounts. The NBA free agent market is in full swing and some of the biggest names in the game are up for grabs. At least in theory.
NBA free agency right now. pic.twitter.com/O7dg9FXaxP
— Alex Kennedy (@AlexKennedyNBA) July 1, 2016
The biggest of all, Kevin Durant, met with his current employers on Thursday and according to sources the meeting went extremely well.
Multiple sources, including friends and business associates of Durant’s, previously told The Undefeated’s Marc Spears that, barring an unbelievable pitch from one of the teams trying to woo Durant, those close to him expect Durant to return to the Thunder next season.
Oh, well, that’s no fun. We can still watch footage of Durant arriving at Chesapeake Energy Arena and read way too much into it.
Here's video of Durant being greeted by Sam Presti and Troy Weaver from @keatonfox: https://t.co/Y3txgqRjXo
— Royce Young (@royceyoung) June 30, 2016
Why did they have to have the meeting at the arena? They couldn’t spring for a casino or a fancy restaurant? He already spends most of his life in there…
The Thunder might have another trick up their sleeve in the form of Al Horford. The free agent just followed Durant on Twitter and everyone is FREAKING OUT.
According to those in the know, Durant has meetings scheduled with the Warriors, Clippers, Spurs, Celtics and Heat, so, we’ll see if they can make a life-changing pitch to alter his return to Oklahoma City. If anything can make it happen, it’s the possibility of being a part of something called the Super Death Lineup:
Two sources connected with Durant told me the Oklahoma City star is aware of the top five players the Warriors will pitch him on — Curry, Thompson, Green, Andre Iguodala and Shaun Livingston — and Durant likes it. A Super Death Lineup.
The ol’ implied murder pitch. Wins every time.
Meanwhile, Dwight Howard is in search of a new home and a crapton of money, too. According to ESPN, the much-maligned center is looking for a contract that starts at $24 million a season. Reports are that the Hawks and Celtics are in the driver’s seat and Boston fans are not too happy about that idea.
If there is a God and that divine being has any sense of love and compassion Dwight Howard will never wear a Celtics jersey
— Nick Bruno (@brunes17) June 29, 2016
https://twitter.com/bren_reed/status/748482522036736000
Admittedly a little late, but, uh, SPOILERS on that last one. Meanwhile, it sounds like the Chandler Parsons Era is over in Dallas.
Chandler Parsons is eyeing Lakers, Blazers, Grizz and Magic, per league source, and aiming for close to max money. Not going back to DAL.
— Howard Beck (@HowardBeck) July 1, 2016
Source on possibility of Chandler Parsons returning to Dallas: "No chance."
— Tim MacMahon (@espn_macmahon) June 30, 2016
So there you go. As for deals that have actually reportedly gone down, we turn to the only people we can trust at times like these…Woj and The Verical.
Lakers in serious talks on the framework of a four-year, $65M deal with Timofey Mozgov, league sources tell @TheVertical.
— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) July 1, 2016
Bradley Beal nearing five-year, $128 million deal with Wizards. @WojVerticalNBA report on @TheVertical. https://t.co/epWlJcfSRF
— Ball Don’t Lie (@Balldontlie) July 1, 2016
Sources: Joakim Noah, New York negotiating on framework of a deal. @ShamsCharania report on @TheVertical. https://t.co/5unHwIlHHQ
— Ball Don’t Lie (@Balldontlie) July 1, 2016
Congrats on all your money, everyone.
Johnny Football suspended from playing in league he’s not currently scheduled to play in next season
We know, there’s a large percentage of people out there who are sick and tired of hearing about Johnny Manziel and whatever the latest mess is that he’s gotten himself into.
Well, don’t blame us, blame him! He’s the one who keeps getting into messes!
His latest? He’s been suspended by the NFL for the first four games of the 2016 season for violating the league’s substance-abuse policy.
And Johnny Manziel suspended first four games of season for violations of substances of abuse.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) June 30, 2016
Of course there’s the small issue of Manziel not actually being on any NFL team’s roster at the moment, but perhaps there’s still time.
https://twitter.com/TheFakeESPN/status/748571907071545344
Our own Colby Lanham collected every notable transgression by Johnny Football just in the last six months, and it’s a head-shaker. Here’s just the most-recent sampling:
–Indicted for misdemeanor assault.
–Goes missing.
–Leaves club, gets served with lawsuit.
–Gets in another car accident.
–Lawyer accidentally texts AP.
–Dad calls him a druggie.
–Vows to get sober, starting tomorrow.
Manziel might not be employed but he sure keeps sports bloggers in business.
Quick Hits
-Congrats to the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers, winners of the 2016 College World Series. Their magical run ends in fantastic fashion and now sports fans across the nation can begin doing Google searches for “Where is Coastal Carolina?”
The final out!
Coastal Carolina wins its first-ever NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP! https://t.co/EmYdFtoEUh
— NCAA Baseball (@NCAABaseball) June 30, 2016
-Johnny Manziel wasn’t the only person the NFL suspended Thursday. Dallas Cowboys linebacker Rolando McClain was also suspended for 10 games for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.
-The story of how Philadelphia Phillies minor league pitcher Matt Imhof lost his eye is crazy but good for him for saying he’s still going to try to overcome it and pitch again.
-After one of the co-sponsors behine the tone deaf “Save America’s Pastime” legislation decided to reverse her stance, Major League Baseball went and backed it anyway. Not a good look, MLB.
-Meanwhile, NHL commish Gary Bettman said his league is ready for it’s first openly-gay player while the NBA and Charlotte Hornets put out a joint statement against North Carolina’s HB2 anti-LGBT law. Good look, NHL and NBA.
-Jason Pierre-Paul makes a very compelling case for fireworks safety.
-Duron Carter, son of Cris Cater, caught a touchdown for the Montreal Alouettes and then proceeded to knock down an opposing coach and incite a sideline brawl.
-Tennis player Viktor Troicki lost his shit during the end of a Wimbledon match and then took it out on the umpire.
-Brock Lesner has been tested multiple times for steroids before his upcoming UFC fight. Brock’s response?
Brock Lesnar on any and all juicing allegations: "I'm a white boy and I'm jacked. Deal with it."
— Brett Okamoto (@bokamotoESPN) June 30, 2016
Get that man some black sunglasses falling fron above.
-Hey, whatever DID happen to Sports by Brooks?
-Bud Light’s equal pay commercial gets awkward when you dig into Anheuser-Busch InBev’s actual history of equal pay.
A puppy that fell out of a boat off the coast of Connecticut was found swimming in the ocean by another boat after the family posted about it on Facebook. Good for you, puppy.
-Mike Tirico said goodbye to ESPN 25 years to the day when he started.
Thank you to all who have made these 25 years so incredibly enjoyable. It's been an honor to be part of the special @espn family.
— MikeTirico (@miketirico) June 30, 2016
One Last Breath of Gratuitous Procrastination
Maybe Ben Simmons is deserving of the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft, but has he dunked on a child? That’s something Boston Celtics No. 3 pick Jaylen Brown can say he’s done. Your move, Simmons.
