Michael and Martellus Bennett SEATTLE, WA – SEPTEMBER 27: Defensive end Michael Bennett #72 (L) of the Seattle Seahawks is greeted by his younger brother Martellus Bennett #83 of the Chicago Bears after the game at CenturyLink Field on September 27, 2015 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

ESPN the Magazine’s Mina Kimes recently got to spend time with Seattle Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett and his brother Martellus, who is a tight end for the New England Patriots. The result: a beautifully-written profile with so many money quotes we couldn’t include them all, but we’ll try our best to give you the best ones.

Let’s start with the brothers’ view on Jay Cutler.

“Worst quarterback in the NFL,” he (Michael) says.

“I’d be open and he’d throw into double coverage,” says Martellus, who spent the past three seasons as Cutler’s teammate in Chicago.

The brothers go on to evaluate a number of fellow NFL players. There’s Eli Manning.

Martellus: “Eli? He’s cool. He’s like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can’t really play soccer himself.”

Then, Sam Bradford.

(Both smirk.)

Michael: “The greatest quarterback in the NFL.”

Martellus: “Vicious. Competitive.”

Michael: “A real Joe Montana.”

But the best might be a very descriptive analogy from Michael about Cam Newton that is probably a little TMI.

Michael: “Probably the quarterback I like to hit the most.”

I ASK MICHAEL later what it feels like when he sacks a superstar like Newton. “It’s like lovemaking,” he says. “Every season, it comes to that one climax. It’s like” — Michael pauses, rolls his eyes back into his head and emits a noise that sounds like the throaty gasp of a goat that’s just been slaughtered.

“All of the other rushes are like foreplay,” Martellus says. “You finally get to the bedroom.”

“Yeah, you get to the bedroom,” Michael says. “Take it off.”

His brother looks at him. “That’s a good analogy.”

“That’s a great analogy,” Michael says.

The Bennett brothers did take some time to get serious in their time with Kimes. They brought up the issue of guaranteed contracts.

Martellus points out that football contracts, which are short and non-guaranteed, pale in comparison to the deals handed out in the NBA. “Do you know what the NFL stands for?” he asks.

No Fun League? Not For Long?

“N—–s For Lease.”

The conversation didn’t stay serious too long. The two quickly start talking about moneymaking ventures, including starting their own TV show. If they are always this funny and entertaining, Martellus and Michael might be onto something.

With a story this long and with so many good quotes, the reactions can go a million different directions. Prior to this story, Michael has come out and been vocal about his opinions on various issues. But it was hard to know that these two were this funny. Beyond the brothers ripping NFL players, there are a number of funny anecdotes about what these two talk about and do while they’re out in public together.

Here’s to hoping some reality show executive is smart enough to talk these two into a reality show.

[ESPN]

About Ryan Williamson

Ryan is a recent graduate of the University of Missouri and has recently returned to his Minnesota roots. He previously has worked for the Columbia Missourian, KFAN radio in Minneapolis and BringMeTheNews.com. Feel free to email me at rwilliamson29 AT Gmail dot com.