Hockey season is here! Kinda! The World Cup of Hockey exhibition games have started and the tournament gets under way this weekend. We’ll get into that later this week, but for now, what are the worst contracts hockey in order of horridness? Does anyone really care about line combinations on Twitter? And what NHL player would you like to see get his ass kicked in the Octagon? NHL Mailbag!
1. Can you rank these horrible contracts in terms of their horribleness?
Dov
He listed the specific contracts in the email (no, he doesn’t include the Dan Girardi deal), so instead of listing them above and below the answer, here are his 13 random contracts ranked from least to most putrid.
13. Andrej Sekera, Oilers ($5.5M through 2021)
He’s good. I like him. I think it’s fair price. He’s on a bad team. I bet there are a lot of GMs that wouldn’t mind him on that deal.
12. Loui Eriksson, Canucks ($6M through 2022)
He will do enough during the early part of the deal. Then the Sedins will no longer be effective and it will be a bad deal. I still don’t get why he signed there.
11. Frans Nielsen, Red Wings ($5.25M through 2022)
He’s very underrated. He’s a good two-way center that’s a shootout master. No problem with the early part of this deal.
10. Justin Abelkader, Red Wings ($4.25M through 2023)
This is the final contract on this list that I can rationalize as being OK. That should help you brace for what’s coming.
9. Ryan Callahan, Lightning ($5.8M through 2020)
He had 10 goals last year and his presence on the roster may cause the Lightning to expose a quality forward in the expansion draft.
8. Bobby Ryan, Senators ($7.25M through 2022)
Dov included contract info in his e-mail. I thought this one was a typo. It’s not! This is what 20 or so goals per season cost. That he got this out of Ottawa, of all teams, is amazing.
7. Travis Zajac, Devils ($5.75M through 2021)
Nearly $6 million per year for a 40-point center that signed an eight-year deal after putting up 20 points in 48 games, one year removed from a torn Achilles’ tendon. And the man who gave him this contract is running the Maple Leafs now.
6. Andrew MacDonald, Flyers ($5M through 2020)
I’m as surprised as you that this deal is this high on the list. Bad is all relative, my friends.
5. Ryan Kesler, Ducks ($6.875M through 2022)
When I opened this email, my immediate instinct that this was the worst deal on the list. It’s not. I bet it will be someday, though. Just not today.
4. David Backes, Bruins ($6M through 2021)
He’s 32, in decline and this seems like a very bad fit. The Bruins already have two centers. This deal should be instantly regrettable.
3. Matt Moulson, Sabres ($5M through 2019)
This would be No. 1 if it ran through 2022. The fact that it expires before the remaining contracts in question is why it sits here.
2. Nick Foligno, Blue Jackets ($5.5M through 2021)
If there were ever a contract that should never have happened, it’s this one. Columbus needs to spend carefully, Foligno had nearly double his career-best in goals, making it the most obvious fluke season perhaps ever, and he got this contract out of it. And yet the Blue Jackets’ front office all just got extensions. Wild stuff.
1. Dustin Brown, Kings ($5.875M through 2022)
His past three seasons: 27, 27 and 28 points. And now he’s 31 years old. And they just stripped his captaincy. The drive from Los Angeles to Las Vegas is only about three hours, so he’s got that going for him.
2. Manure You Know
https://twitter.com/hartcaplan/status/775394127638700033
Medium. They’ll be bad. They’ll be right around a wild-card spot. If they have a PDO-fueled year, maybe a playoff team. If not, they’ll miss. They’re a bad team that can overcome that with some luck.
3. UFC vs. NHL
Knowing full well that they would get their ass kicked, which NHL tough guy would you like to see step into a UFC octagon?
— Jesse Seilhan (@AnonymousBeard) September 12, 2016
I’d like to break this into two parts. First, the guy I think could hang in UFC if he ever chose to go there: Wayne Simmonds. He’s not a “fighter” as much as he is a “talented scorer that will pummel anyone in his weight class,” but that’s why I’d pick him to win a UFC fight.
https://youtu.be/2iiuTN8oUbQ
He’s so freaking strong. Ground and pound, stand up, I’d like his odds. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen Simmonds lose a fight.
Second, the guy I think would get annihilated: Chris Neil. To me, he’s a picker of spots. So if he had to fight a guy that’s his size who had some training, I think Neil would lose so quickly that even CM Punk would be embarrassed for him.
4. Line ’em Up Up Up
Is there anything on Twitter that you scroll past faster than projected line combinations?
— Mike Haakstad (@amysrevenge) September 12, 2016
The only time it’s appropriate to tweet line combinations is if you see them at a morning skate or if you’re watching line rushes during pregame warmups. That’s it.
Line combinations during exhibition games? Get lost. At an off-day practice? It better be a playoff game off-day or some sort of massive switch, like Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin being put together. Some web sites actually list line combinations off morning skates that lack line rushes. If you play daily fantasy, that must be annoying.
First look at Team Canada lines:
Marchand-Crosby-Bergeron. Couture-Toews-Seguin. Tavares-Getzlaf-Stamkos/Perry. Duchene-Giroux-Thornton.— Jonas Siegel (@jonassiegel) September 5, 2016
The worst thing, as always, is when 11 people at a game tweet that a player has left the bench, only to return 80 seconds later. Gang, give it a couple minutes. If he misses a shift, it’s worth noting. The “so-and-so” has gone to the locker room tweet is for nobody. If someone is watching the game, they already know. If they are not, there’s no point in mentioning it until they miss a shift.
I’d say 95 percent of reports of players going to the locker room are followed with a tweet saying the player is back inside of three minutes. Please stop it.
5. Down With DMB
favorite Dave Matthews Band song?
— Rob Ciambra (@RobCiambra) September 12, 2016
Let’s cap the hockey mailbag with the best Dave Matthews song that you’ve probably never heard.
https://youtu.be/ACzihF3aBhY
See you all back here with the definitive World Cup preview. Well, maybe not definitive. It will be good. Probably. It will definitely exist here. That’s all I can promise.
