Millennials are killing… well, everything.

If you’ve been on the internet or social media recently, you may have noticed a trend that millennials are being blamed for cultural shifts and changes. Almost like they are a new generation of new people that might have new likes and dislikes. Who would have thunk it? They’re just crazy, these millennials.

Millennials killing things has become the favored tagline for this generation. It used to be that millennials were just lazy, or snowflakes, or expected everything to be handed to them in life. Apparently at some point within the last year or so, millennials graduated to a generational murderous rampage. In fact, it’s become so trendy to blame millennials for these shifting dynamics that it’s even become a social media meme in recent days.

Of course, it’s not fair to blame millennials for all of this, but there has to be a scapegoat for everything. And the bottom line is this: things change, change is scary, blame millennials.

Just how many institutions are millennials destroying? The paths of their destruction knows no boundaries. Here’s a totally not comprehensive list of all the things millennials are killing.

1) The oil industry

This may not be a bad thing because at some point a generation is going to have to ensure planet earth survives.

2) The beer industry

Apparently, this is because millennials love rose wine. I’m thinking this might be a classic case of media hyperbole and over-exaggeration because as long as there are young people, there are going to be young people drinking beer. At last check, Natty Light was still in business.

3) The casual dining industry

In what could be a symbol for the crumbling of the core of American society, millennials are turning away from places like Buffalo Wild Wings and Applebees and in favor of cooking more at home or doing more fast-casual options. The horror. The horror.

4) The golf industry

Golf is more popular with boomers than millennials. So are slot machines and the AARP. Newsflash, right? Aside from Tiger Woods, I can’t think of any reason why any younger generation would find golf to be a more attractive sport or leisure activity than their elders. Golf is something you can play your whole life. It’s supposed to be more popular as you get older!

5) The vacation industry

You know how millennials have the reputation of being lazy and entitled? That exists. But at the same time, they also are “work martyrs” that don’t take enough time off in trying to work their way up the corporate ladder. And this horrible evil of “working too hard” is motivating other people to work harder to keep up with them. Will someone make up their mind in stereotyping this generation, please!

6) Department stores

Has anyone ever heard of a little thing called Amazon?

7) The movies

Has anyone ever heard of a little thing called Netflix?

8) Marriage

Over the past 35 years, the percentage of 24- to 35-year-olds that were married fell from 2/3 of Americans to 2/5 of Americans. How has eHarmony, Match.com, and Farmers Only failed us so dramatically?

9) Lunch

Millennials reportedly prefer snacks to the traditional three meals a day plan. As long as millennials aren’t starving themselves, you should just be able to eat when you want… right?

10) Focus Groups

Chalk up another win for millennials. Has anyone ever gotten anything good out of focus groups? Have you ever seen one of those horrible things Frank Luntz puts on television where random people get to say totally off-the-wall things about what’s happening in the world? Kill it. Kill it with fire.

11) Gyms

Millennials are doing more things on their own and looking for more studio style boutiques and specialized workouts. As someone who last worked out in a previous millennium, I have no joke or witty comment to make here.

12) The dinner date

If millennials are killing all of the casual dining restaurants in America, I guess this makes sense.

13) The NFL

The NFL is the most popular sports and/or entertainment franchise in America, but nothing is powerful enough to escape the wrath of millennials.

14) The McDonald’s McWrap

Now we’ve just gone too far

15) America

… On second thought.

About Matt Yoder

Award winning sportswriter at The Comeback and Awful Announcing. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.