Pop CultureBy Ty Schalter on

We have A Very Special Episode of Shark Tank tonight. Dallas Mavericks owner and tech-sector maverick Mark Cuban went on the Dan Patrick Show to tease a revolutionary deal he calls—spoiler alert!—one of his all-time favorites.

The Shiver: Tonight’s group of sharks: Cuban in his usual stage-right chair, fashion impresario Daymond John, venture capital mogul Kevin “Mister Wonderful” O’Leary, QVC Queen Lori Greiner and at the end of the line, infosec entrepreneur Robert Herjavec.

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The Bait: An insta-tux, reusable wallhangers that work, meathead meals and an alluring noisemaker for fish.

Company: Sebastian Garcia and Raul Bernal, “The Lapel Project”

Seeking: $150,000 for a 20 percent stake

There comes a time in every young man’s life, or maybe two or three or four, where he has to wear a tuxedo. Most of us can’t afford to buy (and buying is a bad idea when you’re 17 and won’t ever fit in it again), and renting involves multiple trips, ordering, keeping track of all the pieces, taking it back the morning after the formal event.

“Who’s got time for all that?” Garcia asks. His Lapel Project will convert any suit jacket into a tux; just add lapels:

“This is the evolution of men’s fashion,” he claims, and starts customizing the heck out of all the mens’ jackets:

“I’m feeling lonely here,” Lori says, and soon they fit her for a monkey suit. Mister Wonderful wonders if the stick-on panels can be re-used, and yes: between five and 10 times, depending on how carefully you apply. Their cost is between $5-8 for lapels, selling between $50-100. They’ve got a utility patent on the concept of converting a suit to a tuxedo, which is impressive. But who’s buying?

“My target demographic is ages between 13 and 35,” Garcia says. “I deal with these people every day: Do I buy or do I rent?” Oh, he didn’t mention: All his sales are going through one menswear boutique, which he happens to own:

Cuban loves it: He sees applications with sports, kids, everything. He offers them $150,000 for 30 percent, up for the 20 percent they wanted.

Daymond, who built his fortune in menswear, has tried stuff like this before with reversible jackets; he’s found customers usually don’t use them. He’s out. Lori doesn’t dig the look of it, or the lack of application for her. She’s out. Mister Wonderful doesn’t like that the two most fashion-conscious Sharks in the room aren’t in on it—so it’s a good thing the least fashion-conscious Shark is in.

Swim or chum? Cuban has his deal, and he’s pumped about it. SWIM.

Should you buy? You can’t just slap any of these on any sportcoat and get a good-looking tux, but if you’ve got a refined sartorial eye and want to a low-stress way to floss it out at prom, you definitely SHOULD BUY.

Company: Leslie Pierson, “Goodhangups”

Seeking: $100,000 for a 10 percent stake

“I have commitment issues,” Pierson says, “…WITH DECORATING!” Pierson loves mounting stuff on her walls, but hates leaving little nail holes in her wall. She’s invented Goodhangups Removable, re-usable magnetic stickers will affix to just about any surface. Why? Because such a product didn’t exist, and it was necessary to invent it:

Out for just over a year, she’s sold almost $450,000 worth already—half of which has come on QVC.

“I knowwww,” Lori says, and this seems like a natural partnership. Pierson wants help with selling through channels where she won’t have a bunch of airtime to explain how it works. Her packaging and point-of-sale materials need serious improvement.

“I think it’s a great product,” Cuban says. “You’re a force of nature.” But there’s a lot of grinding that needs to be done to hone Pierson and her product into an executive and a company. “I don’t think I’m the best person suited for that.” He goes out.

Lori always loves working with smart, driven businesswomen; she can’t resist offering Pierson $100,000 for 20 percent. Lori wants a quick answer—Pierson knows the deal with Lori is right, but boldly insists on hearing all the Sharks before accepting:

Daymond offers $100,000 for 15 percent. Mister Wonderful starts talking up his relationship with Staples, then says he’ll offer her $100,000 for her requested 10 percent—but he doesn’t want her to take her deal, he wants her to use his offer to squeeze Lori down. After a LOT of repetitive crosstalk, it comes down to the two people in the room it was always going to come down to—and Pierson lays out the savviest counter I’ve ever seen:

Swim or chum? Done? Done! SWIM.

Should you buy? Sticky putty wads don’t work. The sticky-strip hook things don’t come off the wall cleanly, and aren’t right for most applications. These things are aces and you absolutely SHOULD BUY.

Company: Rob Gronkowski, “Ice Age Meals”

Seeking: $100,000 for a 10 percent stake

Okay, no, this isn’t Gronk. Dude’s name is Nick Massie, and he’s the “culinary ninja” of Ice Age Meals, a Paleo and fitness-friendly home meal delivery service.

Massie went to culinary school, added a degree in hospitality, worked in some of the finest restaurants in America (Les Bernardin!!), moved out to Aspen and became a personal chef to athletes like Lance Armstrong. Now he’s a workout-nutrition guru with a potential Crossfit cross-licensing deal in the works. He’s also a really, really terrible poet, which he demonstrates for the Sharks by delivering his pitch in painfully awkward verse.

As your friend, I will not clip or link to it.

All the caveman meals are $9.99, and weigh in around 500 calories each. Since last August, Ice Age has racked up $1.5 million in sales. Even so, that $10 million valuation is bonkers. Asked to explain that sky-high number, he hesitates, says he sees Ice Age as an eventual billion-dollar business and leans on a lot of words like “believe.” Basically, he’s dreaming.

Massie says he’s modeling his meals after Amy’s Organics, which is cool, but after 28 years of being very successful, they still aren’t worth a billion dollars. Mister Wonderful composes a poem of his own:

The other Sharks take turns composing their own “I’m out” poems and pretty soon, it’s clear Massie’s living in the wrong cave.

Swim or chum? Massie might have gotten a deal if he didn’t think the world’s seven thousandth meal-delivery service were the greatest invention since fire. CHUM.

Should you buy? They’re cheap, they’re healthy, they’re tasty, they have meat in them. SHOULD BUY.

Company: Jack Danos and Jeff Danos, “Tactibite Fish Call”

Seeking: $150,000 for a 10 percent stake

Last into the Shark Tank, fittingly, are Jack and Jeff Danos, a father-son team with an innovative fishing product and an extremely dorky, corny, awkward pitch.

What’s a fish call? Ask a stupid question:

It works by imitating the sounds of fish eating. Wait, what? Well, think about it: fish hear other fish eating and assume they’re missing out on a meal. Tactibite’s been on the market for five months, and they’ve moved $450,000 worth. The cost is just $16, and the sale price is $99. Perhaps best of all, they have half a million worth in inventory. Once we move past the over-rehearsed pitch segment, Jack is confident and comfortable, ready with all the right numbers and answers. The Sharks are then shocked to discover he’s just 17, a wise-beyond-his-years homeschool kid, eager to explain his valuation:

Even so, Daymond still offers $150,000 for a 20 percent stake. Mark is not a fisherman; he’s out. Lori offers $150,000 for 15 percent. Jack again insists his valuation is on point. The Sharks collectively make the point that their time and effort has its own value:

Jack has a counter: Will Lori give $200,000 for the same 15 percent? We’ll find out after the DRAMATIC COMMERCIAL BREAK.

“… No.” Lori insists her brand and time are both worth a premium.

Robert “I love the story, I love the sales, I love the offer you made.” He congratulates them on knowing all their numbers, and so he makes them the offer with the numbers they wanted: $150,000 at 10 percent.

Lori immediately matches. Daymond says he fishes about six times a month, and his passion is worth the extra five percent. Lori, just as with Goodhangups, demands an answer.

Swim or chum? She got an answer she probably didn’t like: They picked Robert. SWIM, surprisingly, with maybe the wrong Shark. The best part, though, was the look on Jeff’s face as he brought up Robert’s “smartest 17-year-old” comment. As a parent, that has to be a million times more gratifying than coming away with an investment.

Should you buy? Anglers have spent much more than $99 on fish-catching things that DON’T work. They didn’t have hard numbers on how effective it is—but this is your thing, you SHOULD BUY.

About Ty Schalter

Ty Schalter is thrilled to be part of The Comeback. A member of the Pro Football Writers of America, Ty also works as an NFL columnist for Bleacher Report and VICE Sports, and regular host for Sirius XM’s Bleacher Report Radio. In another life, he was an IT cubicle drone with a pretentious Detroit Lions blog.

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