TORONTO – In a move to bolster their brand awareness, the National Hockey League has been working on a social media project behind closed doors that will revolutionize the way normal people look at automated twitter bots.
After countless meetings with top social media experts (and completely bypassing approval from the Players Association), the league has decided to adopt the same method that spammers have taken to the social networking and micro blogging service known as Twitter. It has been revealed that starting during the All-Star weekend in Ottawa, they will activate automated twitter accounts that take the personalities of your favorite hockey stars and coaches. The bots will act as ambassadors to non-hockey fans all across Twitter. The hope is that through these countless spam accounts, more people will finally tune in to NHL games on NBC and visit NHL.com for breaking hockey news.
For those who aren’t familiar with the spam bot system, it is a system for twitter marketers to spread one message over and over to as many people as possible. Many messages have been used to spread the false promises of iPhones, cars, jobs, and deadly computer viruses. At first glance, we were extremely puzzled as to why the league would mirror this system. When we tried to reach the NHL offices for a comment, nobody was available to talk with us. However, in a Puck Drunk Love exclusive, we were able to get our hands on a few of the scripts that will be seen at the launch. It seems that there are still a few things to iron out before these bots launch:
Evgeni Malkin – Pittsburgh Penguins
@PuckDrunkLove Need Cash? Bet with Sid. $100 from lazy Canadians. Now betting with Sweds. Все объекты в России )))))
Nail Yakupov – Sarnia Sting / Team Russia
@PuckDrunkLove first we win canada, second we win canada, third 80,000 peoples. It doesn’t matter, we beat Canada. See you next time!
@PuckDrunkLove Thanks for watching everybody, here I come @BlueJacketsNHL! Maybe @AnaheimDucks? @nhl_canes have great weather. #FailForNail
Bruce Boudreau – Coach of the Anaheim Ducks
@PuckDrunkLove @GMGM_The_Jedi @NHLShanahan @DownGoesBrown @Evil_Bylsma @KingsOfLeonsis Duck, Duck, Haagen-Dazs. http://bit.ly/Ff3ZH
@PuckDrunkLove I just got that….A dead duck, we’re the ducks. Do you think that was thrown by Doughty? Or Kopitar? #KingsInMyHead
Ilya Bryzgalov – Philadelphia Flyers
@PuckDrunkLove Had other plans during Winter Classic. I need more help to study how humongous big the solar system is. http://bit.ly/aNljqG
@PuckDrunkLove Don’t worry, be happy. Be happy right now. Avoid goalie hell with Russian help. Hire today! http://bit.ly/yCWbRD #ChanceToWin
Daniel Carcillo – Chicago Blackhawks
@PuckDrunkLove Hurt in a work related accident? I can help! Just waive all of your rights. Works every time! http://bit.ly/xI1igv
Randy Cunneyworth – Coach of the Montreal Canadiens
@PuckDrunkLove New Year. New Language. New Me. Help me learn French! Qui a besoin de l’anglais de toute façon? http://bit.ly/Om09b
@PuckDrunkLove Guy Lafleur, Jean Beliveau, Maurice Richard, Jacques Lamaire, Michel Therrien, Jacques Martin, #FamousCanadiens #GoHabsGo
Alexander Ovechkin – Washington Capitals
@PuckDrunkLove AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Gr8 for me, gr8 for all. I’m back in USA! Now in Toronto to see Phil. http://bit.ly/gmtqp7