Archives

Wack Friday: Daniel Jacobs Ekes By Gabe Rosado in a Dreadful Affair

First off, before we get started, we’re not even going to bother discussing this fight. It was a sentient Ambien overdose that future generations will show to their children to combat night terrors. Secondly, in the spirit of full transparency, I feel obligated to inform you that I’m typing this on Hunter Biden’s laptop. I […]

BOO! Naoya Inoue Ghosts Jason Moloney In Seven

First off, before we even get started, Naoya Inoue fought on Halloween night and I didn’t use “Monster Mash” or any variation thereof in the headline of this piece. It’s a nearly pornographic display of willpower that future religions will base their scriptures on.  While I appreciate the sentiment, your gaping jaws and undying servitude […]

Vasyl Lomachenko Vs. Teofimo Lopez: Just Watch

Have you seen the video of Rudy Giuliani wiping his toxic, reptile sweat all over the terrified woman next to him at this year’s Republican National Convention? In it, the former Mayor of New York City and current Guy Who Spends His Days Licking Window Panes and Chewing On Extension Cords, dabs his clearly lobotomized […]

Judge Not: Yordenis Ugas Wins Split (!?) Decision Over Abel Ramos

Scoring a fight isn’t easy. Boxing is an ugly, fast-paced sport with constantly-changing angles. It’s loud, bloody and emotional. Thousands of micro-events take place, in rapid succession, that greatly factor into the outcome of a given round. You’d be forgiven for not catching them all. No sir, scoring a fight is not easy. Here’s the […]

And Water is Wet: Erislandy Lara Wins Lackluster UD12 Over Greg Vendetti

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Besides the manifestly obvious fact that I well and truly despise who I am as a person, I can’t, for the life of me, understand this predilection for blatant self-sabotage.  Allow me to briefly pull back the curtain on how these articles get made. Yes, it’s more […]

Joe Smith Jr. Goes Full Joe Smith Jr., Stops Eleider Alvarez In Nine

Did you ever play Dungeons and Dragons as a kid? For the sake of your future sex life, please don’t answer out loud if you did. If not, try and picture the 10-sided dice used by those nerds. Now, on each face of the die, write a short description of every conceivable outcome you could […]

Jose Pedraza Easily Handles Mikkel LesPierre, Wins UD

Boxing is back, baby! Or something vaguely resembling it, I guess. I’m sure it was every young fighters’ dream to one day find themselves in the glamorous confines of an empty, hermetically sealed broom closet like “The Bubble” at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, but to do it with roughly the population of Ames, […]

Please Kill Me: A Comprehensive Review of Adrien Broner’s New Album ABC

First off, I’m fine. My family is safe and all outstanding gambling debts have been settled with the appropriate parties. I’m doing this of sound mind and my own free will. I realize I just declared myself competent to stand trial should any homicidal crime spree result from this, but it’s a price I’m willing […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 4: Zolani Tete vs. Siboniso Gonya

Oh, hello there. You’ll have to forgive my absence these past couple weeks as I’ve been embroiled in a bit of a legal quagmire. You see, I’ve enlisted the services of local attorney Herb Gonads, to file a suit against the planet of Earth to keep this current lockdown in effect indefinitely, and perhaps for […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 3: Allan Green Vs. Jaidon Codrington

I’ve watched “Harry and The Hendersons” twice this week. Also, hey, how’s it going?  I realize that admitting that out loud basically amounts to giving the “all clear” sign to the SWAT team surrounding my house to kick down the door and haul me off to psycho prison, but before that happens I have some […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Vol. 2: Bernard Hopkins Vs Steve Frank

I have a working theory that the Tiger King thing is a government depopulation program where anyone who watches it has his or her IP address logged and is deemed not only inessential, but completely expendable. Does it seem like a coincidence that it premiered the same week the corona plague washed up on our […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 1: Sechew Powell Vs Cornelius Bundrage I

So you’re trapped indoors without your precious sports to keep you company.  It’s just you, your depression, and the chili-drenched sweatpants that are now permanently grafted onto your legs. The dog ate all the toilet paper and your wife already put a lock on the liquor cabinet. You’ve plowed through all six volumes of Faces […]

The 2020 Boxing Survivor Series

I’m on vacation this week which means my brain is too, so today we’re going to do something so pointless it’ll make my usual rambling parade of unfocused dipshittery look like Voltaire on an Adderall bender. First off, let’s get this out of the way right off the hop: I know nothing about contemporary professional […]

Thinning The Hurd: Jarrett Hurd Wins Lifeless UD Over Francisco Santana

Well, we can’t say he didn’t warn us. After a tough decision loss to Julian Williams last May, Jarret Hurd made sweeping changes to his life, both personal and professional. He moved out of his parents’ house, cut off his signature blonde hair, and hired trainer Kay Koroma, professing a desire to get hit less […]

Quantcast