Here’s a friendly reminder that you’ll need to set those clocks to “spring forward” on March 12th!
Never too early to consider daylight savings!
Little known fact: if you forget to set your clocks forward, you could serve up to three years in a medium-security prison.
Tim Tebow is ruining spring training for everyone
Because of course he is. Look at this:
Oh good, we're tracking batting practice homers now. pic.twitter.com/hRB3BRVkgD
— The Comeback (@thecomeback) February 28, 2017
That’s ESPN’s SportsCenter (to be clear, not the Scott Van Pelt midnight flagship, which did not do this, because SVP is a good and just man) keeping track of Tim Tebow spring training batting practice homers. I’ve typed all that out multiple times now because it’s impossible to overemphasize how meaningless it is.
Sure, it’s a story. It always is whenever someone with no realistic chance to ever play professional baseball gets to play in spring training. Hell, Garth Brooks somehow racked up at least 40 spring training at-bats. (One of the singer’s stints? The Mets, in 2000.)
But this is more annoying because it’s Tim Tebow. That’s just how it is. Sure, we wrote about him on this very site yesterday, in the context of Daniel Murphy speaking out about his presence in camp. (Murphy and Tebow are a match made in heaven, although if you tried to tell either of them that they would not be at all happy.)
The Comeback, though, is a website unrestrained by time and/or space. We can (and do) post all sorts of things that, were we asked to distill down to a one-hour block of information designed to highlight only the most important or newsworthy material, would not make the cut.
SportsCenter, though, is not that at all, and they’ve remembered some very bad habits from Tim Tebow’s days of not being good enough to play professional football and brought them into the present day when Tim Tebow is not good enough to play professional baseball.
I predicted this (as did many, many others) back in the fledgling days of Tebow’s baseball career, all of last August ago (because again, he doesn’t play baseball):
Well, we’ve reached the point in the column where I write about Tim Tebow. Here we are, at that very point. I can’t even do it. I’m sorry.
It’s like swimming in freshman gym class, when I used to get panic attacks (even though I can swim, I just do it terribly) and I’d lie and say I didn’t have my trunks, and the gym teacher/varsity basketball coach would just give me a withering stare and shake his head.
…
Anyway, Tim Tebow is 29 and despite being a very talented athlete, is not going to become a major league baseball player. If he were going to do that, he’d be one. (#NotAScout)
I’m also bitter as Tebow was basically the lead story on both the MLB Network and the NFL Network, and it’s just gross at this point.
And lo and behold, here we are, with a spring training BP home run tracker.
It was so sadly predictable. Hopefully it will be over soon, though at this point it wouldn’t be a surprise if networks are so conditioned to following his every move that we get a new ESPN2 reality show about Tebow franchising a Five Guys. (I hope not, as that would ruin Five Guys.)
Or…oh no. He’s going to try and become a golfer, isn’t he?
Quick hits
-They now make underwear that, in theory, protects your junk from cell phone radiation. Because that’s a thing? Maybe?
It’s raised $18,000 on Kickstarter, so the market has spoken, and it has told me that I’m probably impotent by now, having not worn this underwear every day for the last ten years.
-The dude responsible for the Oscars Best Picture fiasco has caused plenty of problems for his employer, PricewaterhouseCoopers. It really is a classic Southwest “Wanna get away?” moment. They might bring that campaign back just to spoof this mess.
-Of course the “In Memoriam” also featured someone still alive, which Saturday Night Live once did as a joke about Jon Lovitz during their anniversary special in 2014. And now it’s happened!
-Cool moment from Kansas senior night, as Frank Mason III addressed his young son in the crowd:
-Adidas is promising to help buy a prospect a private island if they break the 40-yard dash record of 4.24 seconds. This seems…excessive. (Unrelated, if you want to get incredibly annoyed by a television show, I cannot recommend HGTV’s Island Hunters strongly enough! Guarantee you will be yelling at your television in no time at all.)
-Hockey stuff! There’s somehow another mumps outbreak in the NHL, as two players on the Minnesota Wild have come down with the illness. This is in the wake of five Vancouver Canucks from a few days ago. And this is the second time in a few years hockey has had to combat a mumps outbreak. The mumps! What the hell?
Has the virus been frozen underneath the ice at all these arenas for decades or something?
-And there was a fairly big NHL trade, with Kevin Shattenkirk heading to the Caps from the Blues.
-ESPN maybe, possibly, might kind of want to poach Katie Nolan from FOX?
-The Men in Blazers had some technical difficulties.
-Finally, here’s the coworker of the year:
And that is why you should always be nice to people you work with. You might not think a gigantic out of control truck without working breaks could crash into your office at any time, but you’d be wrong.
“But Jay, I work on the third floor, how would a truck-”
I said you’d be wrong!
Fake news headline I wish was real
Jason Day Withdraws From Family Connect Four Tournament
One last glorious moment of procrastination
Wait for it:
