Hot dogs and absurdity at MLB parks

One thing that America seems to have on lockdown in gluttony. Baseball parks have seemingly always had some sort of gluttonous, disgusting-looking food that attracts a lot of attention and (probably) not a lot of orders. This season, the trend has progressed from the minor leagues to the major leagues, and a pair of parks have rolled out absurd looking hot dogs that don’t look appetizing in the slightest, but just look disgusting and like they’d cause a massive coronary event.

boomstickFirst, we start in Texas. On Opening Day, the Rangers sold 191 of their “Boomstick” dogs, and considering the Opening Day crowd of slightly over 49,000, that’s not even half a percent of fans in attendance buying this dog. The Boomstick is two feet long and costs $26, loaded with jalapenos, cheese sauce, onions, and chili. Why would you even want to eat this? A report from Fox Sports Southwest says the bun has the density of a pretzel, and that the dog has over 4,000 calories. Why would you want to blow more than your entire daily caloric intake on….a hot dog at a ballgame? For the cost of one Boomstick, you could buy somewhere in the neighborhood of six standard hot dogs. Hell, go on a dollar dog night at the park, and you could eat a dozen hot dogs for less than half the price of this monstrosity.

I kind of expected this out of the Rangers. I mean, it’s Texas, and everything is big in Texas. Texans love their absurd meals. But when I heard about another insane hot dog, I really didn’t expect it to be at Dodger Stadium.

On the left, we have the “big kid dog”, covered with Fritos and macaroni and cheese. Next, “the Doyer dog”, covered with jalapenos, tomatoes, onions, and nacho cheese. Third is the “Frito pie”, which looks to be covered in Fritos and chili. The fourth dog in the lineup is “the heater”, covered in wing sauce and blue cheese coleslaw. And finaly, the “tailgate dog”….which appears to have baked beans on it, but I can’t make out what else. The Dodgers Twitter feed, which announced all of the dogs this morning, didn’t give an explanation of that one.

I thought it was hilarious that after showing pictures of all of these obscene dogs, the Dodgers made reference to “healthy and gluten-free” options. Say what you want to say about the Dodger Dog (and if you’re someone like comedian Adam Carolla, go on a plethora of hilarious rants disparaging the food), but this takes things to a whole new level at Dodger Stadium. The only “bright side” about the new loaded Dodger Dogs is that they’re the standard foot-long variety, and not absurdly sized. I’d assume the loaded dogs would probably in the range of ten bucks a pop.

This is just….yeah. Overkill much?

About Joe Lucia

I hate your favorite team. I also sort of hate most of my favorite teams.