Jonah Keri of ESPN's Grantland tweeted out this hilarious video of Colorado Rockies first base coach Rene Lachemann lecturing a young Phillies fan during Wednesday night's Rockies-Phillies game.
The speech, which was shared on the Phillies broadcast, was spurred by Lachemann giving the fan a ball and then going on a run of typical "be a good kid" tips, including "take out the trash", "clean your room", "don't pee on the toilet seat", "don't get a cell phone", "don't play video games", "do your homework", "eat your vegetables", and "don't fit with your brother and sister".
He topped off his speech by telling the kid to sit down and watch the Rockies whoop the Phillies (in a game they lost 4-3 in walk off fashion). There's nothing really wrong with this, it's just hilarious to see Lachemann roll off all of life tips while barely taking a breath.
Rene Lachemann: saving the youth of America one child at a time. He had a similar conversation with a fan last month at Coors Field when the Rockies played the Dodgers.