SPOILER ALERT: The trade deadline is going to be boring

Do you like trades? Are you excited by rumors? Is the MLB trade deadline your favorite time of year? Then I have some news for you!

It could be so, so, so very boring.

For the last several weeks this trade deadline appeared as if it might be stuffed full of blockbuster deals. We even got a tantalizing amuse-bouche when the A’s and Cubs jumped the gun and triggered the massive Samardzija-Hammel trade. Surely that was to be a sign of epic deals to come.

Then everyone started bowing out. The Diamondbacks declared anyone on their roster with anything resembling talent untouchable. Ruben Amaro started yelling at local radio talking heads that he wasn’t interested in rebuilding. The Padres forgot about that whole “needing a general manager” thing and started re-signing veterans instead of initiating the fire sale so many people expected. The Rockies pronounced that they weren’t going to trade anyone and spent the rest of their free time sending threatening e-mails to who dared to point out, correctly, that they stink and have no plan.

And just like that four of the most prominent trade deadline sellers took themselves off the market. Dreams of that earth-shattering Tulowitzki-to-New York trade was dashed. Contenders everywhere had to cross Cole Hamels and Cliff Lee off their wishlist. Teams with bullpen problems had to start looking for alternatives to Huston Street and Jonathan Papelbon. The list of big names that suddenly aren’t available go on an on.

The only remaining hope for a true blockbuster lies in Tampa who have David Price and Ben Zobrist on the trading block. But even they have made noise at various points about standing pat and trying to swing deals for one or both player in the off-season instead.

Fans everywhere are dying for something huge to go down, but it doesn’t look like anyone is going to be willing to oblige, assuming all these teams’ stances on selling aren’t just smokescreens. Instead, we’ll all be left trying to talk ourselves into getting excited over trades centered around Kurt Suzuki, Jake Peavy or Alex Rios.

If these teams aren’t willing to satisfy the fans’ collective trade lust, you’d think at least one GM would be smart enough to know that Ned Colletti is just sitting there in Los Angeles dying to massively overpay for anyone with a recognizable name. Won’t someone please think of the Dodgers and their spending problem?

As of right now, it doesn’t look like they will. We’ll all just be sitting around on July 31st at 3:59 PM ET staring idly at Twitter for something, ANYTHING, of note to be reported only to find ourselves with nothing but a big empty hole in our souls when the clock rolls over to 4:00 PM.

About Garrett Wilson

Garrett Wilson is the founder and Supreme Overlord of Monkeywithahalo.com and editor at The Outside Corner. He's an Ivy League graduate, but not from one of the impressive ones. You shouldn't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry.