Times have been rough for the Philadelphia sports fan, so one fan decided to turn in a different direction to find pleasure in the local sports scene. Philadelphia Sports Fan Fiction is a collection of short stories with a sexual twist on the local sports topics, teams and players… and mascots.
The site is actually authored by New York comedian Dan Moore, a longtime fan of Philadelphia sports. Given the current state of Philadelphia sports, why not look for a way to generate a few laughs at the expense of the local talent. But this is not all fun and games. Some of these stories have a very sexual twist to them.
“I think this stuff is funny when people write it about anime or Harry Potter but I watch way more Philadelphia sports unfortunately than those other things,” Moore said in an interview with Mashable. “So, I wanted to write weird sex stuff about the oppressively macho and conservative world of sports instead.”
Yep, weird sex stuff and Philly sports. It’s a match made on Broad Street. Moore apparently is in for the long haul of what should be a long season for the Phillies (who dropped to 0-4 today), as he intends to write a unique story for each game of the season. It’s not all about the Phillies though. The recent headlines surrounding the Sixers and the resignation of Sam Hinkie were fair game as well. Here’s a quick snippet of his take on the fallout in the Sixers box office, which Moore recommends listening to Duel of the Fates from Star Wars: Episode I while reading;
The Halls of Power at Sixers Headquarters were quiet in the middle of the night as the guards walked another Philadelphia child through the empty corridors.
“I’m going to meet Allen Iverson? That’s so cool!” exclaimed the naive boy.
“Yes, little one. You’ll meet Allen Iverson soon,” said the guard, his voice faltering. He had done this too many times in the months since Jerry Colangelo was hired to oversee Sam Hinkie for reasons that remained unclear.
“Allen Iverson is my favorite. He was so little but he played bigger than anyone!”
“Uh-huh. Yes, yes… you’re right young one,” the guard stammered, tears in his eyes. “God forgive me,” he muttered to himself.
The brought the boy to a dark room filled with pulsing tubes and dim red light. Across the room was throne facing out over the expanse of Philadelphia in the nighttime. The Comcast Tower gleamed in the distance.
“When is Allen Iverson coming?” asked the innocent, sweet boy.
“He’ll be here soon,” said the guard. “Hold out your arms. This will pinch.”
The boy did as he was told and the guard stuck each arm with an IV. The throne slowly turned around, scraping ominously on its gears.
The bloated, jaundiced body of Jerry Colangelo, 76-year-old Chairman of Basketball Operations and former GM of the Phoenix Suns gazed unseeing with milky eyes upon the scared boy.
“Thank you for lending me your youth, boy,” gurgled Colangelo, his voice a sickening croak. “We have trusted The Process for too long in Philadelphia and my son Bryan needs a GM job.”
“I don’t understand any of that. I’m scared.”
“You should be.”
Beware Philadelphia sports stars. You could be the next subject of this fan-fiction take on Philly sports.
[Mashable]
