Smoked salmon

We’ve extensively covered the exploits of Florida Man, but this week, it’s Colorado Woman making the news. According to the Vail police, a woman in a months-long feud with her elderly neighbors is believed to have filled their gas tank with smoked salmon. Here’s more from The Vail Daily:

The neighbors live next to each other in a duplex and have been feuding for months over the usual neighbor stuff — parking, loud music and cable TV.

Vail Police got involved when an elderly man called to report that when he tried to gas up his minivan at the West Vail Shell, he removed his filler cap to discover that the nozzle was stuffed with when he thought was canned salmon.

Alas, no, it was smoked salmon, a Vail Police officer discovered when he was summoned to the scene of the crime.

The piece goes on to discuss how the police officer then talked to the neighbor in question and discovered that she had served smoked salmon for dinner the night before and had leftovers, but she “denied knowing anything about the smoked salmon stuffed into her neighbor’s gas tank and could not imagine how it got there.” (The officer is properly skeptical of that remark.) Beyond that, the elderly couple said they were annoyed about her loud music during the day, and she said she was annoyed that they had Comcast dig up her yard for a utility cable without her permission (the officer noted that they have a utility easement and don’t need her permission).

All in all, this ended in no charges, but with the police warning the woman in question to let her neighbors live in peace. They did wind up with a $211 repair bill, though, and have since hired attorney Sarah Baker, who told the paper “This incident may have high humor value, but it is one incident in a much larger story that is really disturbing to my client, the elderly neighbor to whom it is happening.” And that’s certainly true; months of alleged troubling behavior and property damage is definitely problematic. But this is still a pretty funny story. And really, the biggest crime here may be the waste of the smoked salmon.

[The Vail Daily; photo from Wikipedia]

About Andrew Bucholtz

Andrew Bucholtz is a staff writer for Awful Announcing and The Comeback. He previously worked at Yahoo! Sports Canada and Black Press.