ranch dressing

Ranch dressing is a pretty cool thing. You can dip your vegetables and chicken wings in it! You can put it on your salad to make the salad taste less like salad! You can order it on your Subway sandwich!

And now, you can eat it from a keg.

Hidden Valley has unveiled its list of ranch-themed holiday gifts, and alongside a collection of sweaters and Christmas-tree ornaments is the “Hidden Valley Mini Ranch Keg.” The product, as its name suggests, is a small keg that comes stocked with ranch dressing, and it is a marvel.

Though it’s fun to imagine a massive frat-house-style keg, this one is only 9.7 inches in height and 6.3 inches in diameter. Still, it holds five liters of ranch, or the equivalent of more than 10 of the Hidden Valley bottles you’d find at the grocery store. And because it comes with a special coating designed to keep the dressing fresh, you should be able to make it last a while. It costs $50, but you can easily talk yourself into this being a bargain.

However, there are two pressing questions here:

  1. What does a regular person with a balanced diet do with five liters of ranch? Sometimes you’re gonna want bleu cheese, right?
  2. What does a regular person with a sense of shame do with a tin keg with the logo of a salad dressing company?

One thing is clear: If you spring for a $50 mini ranch keg, you’d better have lots of carrots and celery on hand.

[Hidden Valley]

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports, MLB.com, SI.com and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.