Papa John's

In an effort to make more money on mediocre fast food pizza, Papa John’s came up with a brilliant idea that will fool drunk people into buying their pizza.

The new idea launched by Papa John’s is called “Papa Priority.” What it does is it charges customers a $2.99 fee to bump their pizza order to the front of the line. The new feature isn’t available around the world, and instead only in specific markets as of today.

According to the Associated Press, the recent launch of the new “Papa Priority” fee is being tested right now and new locations could be made available to test the “product.”

Papa John’s terms and conditions states five important things to keep in mind when ordering with the “Papa Priority” fee:

  • At Papa John’s, we always strive to deliver your pizza in a safe and timely manner. However, we recognize that there might be some situations where you would like your pizza a little faster on busy nights when there might be a longer wait due to the number of orders at the restaurant. For an extra fee, that may vary based on date, time, or Papa John’s sole discretion, PapaPriority will ensure that your pizza is made faster and out for delivery sooner, subject to the terms and conditions below.
  • PapaPriority only applies to a pizza you order directly from Papa John’s and pay the PapaPriority fee in addition to the applicable delivery fee.
  • PapaPriority moves your order to the front of the line so that it is made faster and therefore, ready for delivery sooner. These changes only involve in-store processes and do not affect the on-the-road delivery function or time. Papa John’s delivery drivers are always expected to make deliveries in a safe manner after leaving the restaurant.
  • PapaPriority does not guarantee that your pizza will be delivered within a set time period or that delivery will be faster than normal. There is no cash alternative or refund available.
  • PapaPriority is only available at participating restaurants and may be discontinued at anytime. PapaPriority is limited to five orders total each night for each restaurant location. Papa John’s reserves the right to modify or cancel this promotion at anytime.

Those are pretty important points, especially the last one. “Papa Priority” is limited to five orders per restaurant each night. So let’s say it’s a midnight on a Saturday, you’re drunk, and you want pizza. You probably want it ASAP, so you select the “Papa Priority” fee. Sadly, if five people already used the service that night, you can’t take advantage of the expedited delivery.

My guess is that this point specifically prevents everyone and their mother from using the fee, thus canceling out any advantage it gives a customer.

The new option also doesn’t necessarily guarantee a delivery time, as the restaurants can’t control how many other orders are in line to be skipped, how far someone may live from the restaurant, and how much food the customer orders.

So far, the pizza company claims it has received “great customer reception” about the new “product”.

That’s about it for this story, but just for the hell of it, here’s the infamous drunken Papa John’s photo again.

[Associated Press]

About David Lauterbach

David is a writer for The Comeback. He enjoyed two Men's Basketball Final Four trips for Syracuse before graduating in 2016. If The Office or Game of Thrones is on TV, David will be watching.