Thieves in Germantown, Wis. stole a refrigerated tractor-trailer loaded with $70,000 worth of cheese on Friday, reported the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. (No, the report did not come from The Onion, which originated in Wisconsin.)

This heist was a “well thought-out, carefully planned” move by two criminals. The thieves reportedly stole a truck cab and parked it across the street from D&G Transportation, a Germantown trucking company which ships food nationwide. Once they found the trailer full of cheese, they pulled the cab around, hooked up the trailer and drove away. It was a caerphilly executed plan.

The thieves unloaded the cheese at a grocery store in a sketchy part of town and left the trailer in a nearby industrial park. Here’s where the story gets gouda. D&G didn’t wait for the police to get involved, but instead cracked the case themselves. They analyzed data obtained by the trailer’s GPS unit to retrace the thieves’ journey and were able to relocate the 24 pallets of cheese which had been stolen. These criminals weren’t sharp, as there were plenty of holes in their plot. They haven’t yet been caught, but were seen on a surveillance video and D&G is still on the lookout.

I’m going to assume their names were Colby and Jack. It’s unknown at the time if they were American or Swiss. Honestly, I can’t wait until they grill these guys. OK, enough with the cheesy jokes.

This isn’t the first time a huge cheese theft occurred, as last year $85,000 worth of mozzarella was snatched from a parking lot in Ohio. I guess no matter what the product, it’s all about the cheddar.


About Liam McGuire

Social +Staff writer for The Comeback & Awful Announcing.