Some people love Tetris. Some people may love Tetris a little too much.
Noorul Mahjabeen Hassan has an undying love for Tetris and wants to make her devotion for the game official with a commitment ceremony so her friends and family can watch her profess her love to Tetris after she graduates college.
“I want to say I’m married to Tetris and have a legitimate ceremony,” says Hassan, who prefers to go by the name Fractal Tetris Huracan, according to a report from Metro in the United Kingdom. “I want everybody to be there. I feel like that would be an official thing which would set it in stone and say ‘I love you and want to prove it to you’ by making it permanent and calling myself Mrs. Tetris.”
This does not appear to be some joke either.
Hassan says she is objectum sexual, which means she is physically attracted to physical objects instead of other humans. Others who have identified as objectum sexual have gone on to marry the Eiffel Tower or “date” a VW Beetle. Hassan’s video game-related desire isn’t even the first of its kind. In 2009, a man married a character from a Nintendo DS video game.
Hassan claims to have an intimate relationship with Tetris and sleeps with a physical copy of a Tetris game cartridge and has a physical relationship with objects shaped like Tetris blocks. This is getting a little weird now, and I’ll simply allow you to use your imagination with how exactly this physical relationship actually works.
“Part of the relationship is the satisfaction I get from clearing the lines and clearing them as quickly as possible,” Hassan says. Hey, I get the thrill of clearing lines as quickly as possible in a good round of Tetris. I just never experienced a physical thrill in doing so.
“I think Tetris is so beautiful, he is about perfection and he stimulates your mind,” Hassan explains. “Physically I get that feeling that people in relationships get – that you know they are the right one. I love him so much and get an immense sense of satisfaction with him. I have a strong connection with him and have invested so much in him.”
Hassan’s relationship with Tetris helped her get over her previous relationship with a calculator. She took this calculator to prom and her plan to marry this calculator fell through when the calculator went on the fritz. Despite getting another of the same model calculator, the same connection just was not there for Hassan. Fortunately, good old Tetris was there to help her move on.
You can always count on Tetris to be there for you. In sickness and in health, for better or worse.