The Atlanta Braves introduced some new menu choices today and let’s just say they’re… uh… interesting.
The big announcement is the T.E.D aka ‘The Everything Dog’ a hotdog which features way too many conflicting toppings. The sandwich has jalapeno peppers, french fries, tortilla chips, popcorn, chili, Coca-Cola infused BBQ sauce, and a footlong beef hot dog all on a pretzel bun. Those ingredients all sound delicious individually, but the Braves Frankensteined a hot dog which should never have been made. I mean look at it. There’s waaaaaaaaaay to many things going on on that bun.
Say hello to T.E.D. (The Everything Dog). Part of your new @Braves dining experience. pic.twitter.com/psggppPi4s
— FOX Sports South (@FOXSportsSouth) March 22, 2016
It sells for $15. I shouldn’t knock it before I try it, but I love every topping on the T.E.D. and it looks disgusting.
T.E.D "the everything dog" pic.twitter.com/8hN5LNxhgP
— braves reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
The Braves also unveiled a bevy of other new food items for their new dining experience. The items don’t look nearly as egregious as the T.E.D, in fact, I think I’d try a couple of them.
There’s The Punisher, a sandwich with smoked rib meat, Monster (yes, the energy drink) infused BBQ sauce, an onion ring, “slawsa”, and candied bacon.
The Punisher. Rib meat slathered in Monster energy drink-infused BBQ sauce. @Braves pic.twitter.com/Yz1xH18P7x
— FOX Sports South (@FOXSportsSouth) March 22, 2016
That sandwich is $18.
How about the “tater tot chop”? This $16 sandwich type thing is a handful of tater tots pressed in a waffle iron along with bacon, cheese, and jalapenos, later covered with even more tater tots and come Coca-Cola infused…ketchup?
The Tater Tot Chop. Includes Coca-Cola-infused ketchup. Taste tester called it "freaking awesome." @Braves pic.twitter.com/BRIG0TFTBt
— FOX Sports South (@FOXSportsSouth) March 22, 2016
There’s also the $26 burgerizza, which is a 20 ounce beef burger covered with cheese and bacon and served between a pair of 8″ pepperoni pizzas.
There is your picture of the full burgerizza pic.twitter.com/C2OqvPsKa3
— braves reddit (@BravesReddit) March 22, 2016
Well, after all of that, the “sausage sundae” (sausage topped with macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, pulled pork, BBQ sauce, and for whatever reason, a tomato) and “top-n-go” (chili cheese Fritos or pulled pork, pulled chicken, and cheese topped Doritos) seem downright normal.
Here’s a full look at all of the new items that the Braves will offer this season.
Atlanta Braves | Facebook
Now presenting…the newest ballpark food at The Ted for 2016!
The new food items all look like they’d cause an instant heart attack, but that’s kind of the point. When you’re going to the ballpark and you order something as ridiculous as the T.E.D. you do it because you want to try it and tell your buddies you did, not because you enjoy it and plan on ordering it again. Braves fans should be ordering plenty of T.E.D.’s, as they desperately need something to talk about other than their rebuilding baseball team.