Former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Lenny Dykstra was famed for his play on the field, earning three career All-Star nods, but in his own mind, that wasn’t his greatest success in life. Dykstra appeared on The Howard Stern Show Tuesday as part of the promotional tour for his new book, House of Nails, and talked about how he feels God put him on earth to please women sexually:
“I thought God put me on earth to entertain people on the baseball field,” Dykstra told Howard. “But he actually put me on earth to get women off.”
Lenny admitted there were even times he entertained women on the baseball field, scoring with them in various sections of the ballpark. According to Dykstra, he would recruit a bat boy to scout a location, find a willing lady, and arrange a meeting.
“Twenty minutes later, I’d be in the batter’s box,” Dykstra said, adding that having sex before a game didn’t deplete his energy due to the drugs he was taking at the time. Though not all women were up to Lenny’s standards, he explained that his selectivity had less to do with looks and more to do with hygiene. He went so far as to bring along a tongue depressor to inspect women in order to make sure that they seemed clean enough for sexual relations.
“The canvas has got to be clean before I do my artwork,” Dykstra said. A woman’s health was particularly important considering Dykstra did not usually wear condoms. For all the action that he saw, though, Lenny swore to Howard that he never had relations with fellow players’ wives or the girls of any of his friends.
When asked about his former teammates, Lenny revealed who on the World Series winning ’86 Mets had the biggest, er, bat: Darryl Strawberry, who Dykstra said was “hung like a swamp mule.” Lenny has no problem with his own penis, though, and referred to it as PC,” short for “perfect cut” since the Jewish doctor who performed his circumcision did such a good job.
Here’s the audio clip:
In somewhat more of a PC appearance, Dykstra also appeared in-studio on The Dan Patrick Show Tuesday and talked about how he saved Charlie Sheen from a crack den:
He also said that most of his Phillies’ teammates were on steroids:
So, Dykstra clearly is willing to make some headlines around the release of his new book. It will be interesting to see how this memoir is received.