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This baseball offseason has been slow. Very slow. Like, dial-up internet slow. Traffic at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon slow. Bengie freaking Molina slow. We’re well into January, and six of the top seven free agents remained unsigned. Nearly a month has passed since we saw a move that was interesting to anyone but Rockies fans.

On Wednesday, the drought appeared to have broken. In the early afternoon, several credible reporters began tweeting that the Pirates were on the verge of trading Gerrit Cole to the Astros, a transaction that would have added a solid starter to the reigning World Series champions. It seemed very exciting. So exciting, in fact, that Astros starter Lance McCullers Jr. whipped out the Vince Carter “it’s over” gif in a since-deleted tweet.

But alas, the deal was not meant to be. Soon, Yahoo’s Jeff Passan reported that Cole-to-the-Astros was a “false rumor.” And just like that, the big, exciting transaction that seemed to revitalize the offseason was reduced to the rumor-mill trash bin.

It’s a tough time to be a baseball fan. When the Winter Meetings arrived in December with no significant free agents off the board, we figured that event would open the floodgates. When the Winter Meetings passed with a couple Marlins trades but nothing else, we assumed the holiday season would be busy. When the new year arrived and the league still hadn’t made any moves, we predicted January would thaw the freeze. But with the month nearly half over and spring training creeping closer, we continue to wait.

There are many complex factors contributing to this sluggish offseason, but that’s not what this post is about. This post is a plea to MLB’s 30 teams to please do something. Anything. Well, anything more significant than signing Boone Logan or acquiring Jose Rondon.

Wednesday’s Cole rumors were a cruel tease. Maybe Thursday will treat us better.

UPDATE: Literally minutes after this post published, ESPN’s Jerry Crasnick reported that the Mets had signed Jay Bruce. It’s no blockbuster, but we’ll take it. Apparently the Baseball Gods (or Sandy Alderson) heard our pleas.

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports,, and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.