FORT WORTH, TX – NOVEMBER 06: Actor Chuck Norris speaks with the media during a press conference prior to the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series AAA Texas 500 at Texas Motor Speedway on November 6, 2016 in Fort Worth, Texas. (Photo by Jerry Markland/Getty Images)

After Super Bowl LI, Tom Brady’s jersey was stolen. You know that by now. The jersey still hasn’t been recovered, and the perpetrator is still at large.

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick isn’t happy about the theft of the historic item, and wants the Texas Rangers (of Chuck Norris variety) to get involved.

Unfortunately, it appears Patrick is going to get the help of the *baseball* Texas Rangers instead.

Let’s be honest here – if Adrian Beltre is the lead detective, the jersey will be recovered within five minutes if the team just tells him the thief was responsible for all of that head touching over the years.

About Joe Lucia

I hate your favorite team. I also sort of hate most of my favorite teams.