LaVar Ball

LaVar Ball just won’t shut his mouth.

The father of UCLA point guard Lonzo Ball keeps talking and talking, his claims getting more outlandish that ever. Recently, he said that he could have taken Michael Jordan one-on-one, which drew a whole lot of laughs and also an invitation from Charles Barkley to face him one-on-one.

In order to put to rest this ridiculous conversation, here’s a partial list of people LaVar Ball (who averaged 2.2 points a game in one season at Washington State) could NOT beat in a game of one-on-one:

  • Michael Jordan in his prime
  • Michael Jordan right now
  • Michael Jordan 20 years from now
  • Michael Jordan with his eyes closed
  • Michael Jordan with his legs tied together
  • Marcus Jordan
  • Jeffrey Jordan
  • Charles Barkley
  • Charles Barkley after a few drinks
  • Charles Barkley after more than a few drinks
  • Kareem, Shaq and Magic
  • Kareem, Shaq and Magic’s sons
  • Lou Amundson
  • Jimmer Fredette
  • JaVale McGee
  • Anthony Bennett
  • Jan Vesely
  • Adam Morrison
  • Hasheem Thabeet
  • Kwame Brown
  • Kris Humphries
  • Mark Madsen
  • Brian Cardinal
  • Brian Scalabrine
  • Every single player in the NBA
  • Every single player in the D-League
  • That 5-foot-5 guy on Mt. Saint Mary’s
  • All his teammates on Mt. Saint Mary’s
  • Every other player in the NCAA Tournament
  • Many coaches in the NCAA Tournament
  • Tim Tebow
  • Prince
  • Jimmy Chitwood
  • Calvin Cambridge
  • Calvin Cambridge without his magic sneakers
  • Lil’ Bow Wow
  • Lil’ Romeo
  • The guy at your local gym who has a hideous jump shot that someone always goes in

And many, many more.

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports,, and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.