The Comeback has obtained a copy of Tom Brady’s diary, and we thought looking at what he wrote during his four-game suspension might be intriguing. Below is his entry for Sunday, Sept. 19, 2016.
Tom here. G suggested that keeping a running diary of Sundays would be a good way to deal with the anxiety of not playing football. So, here goes:
9:30 a.m.: Just woke up and G is already out filming some sort of “save the dolphins” documentary. The good news: I can now wear my Uggs (available for $80.00 at a store near you) around the house. I know she has a no-shoes-in-the-house rule, but sometimes a man needs to feel the warmth of slippers on his feet. Just don’t tell her. (I have to give myself reminders, she can be very persuasive.)
10:10: So hungry. You think it’d be cool if I texted The Deflator and asked him to send some eggs and avocado from the team breakfast to my house? What do normal people do for food on Sundays?
10:41: Just finished doing my hair. Only 30 minutes this time, too.
11:45: Wes just left. He said he needed a piece of my hair for something he was planning on wearing to today’s game. Of course, I gave it to him — and a pair of Uggs Classic Mini Deco Wheat boots ($170), too. Also, Wes brought me coffee and eggs. I told him I’m not allowed to have coffee. He asked why. I said G doesn’t let me. He promised he wouldn’t tell. He said I’m clearly a rule-breaker and so why would I care about breaking one more. That hurt my feelings, but then we hugged and made it up.
11:53: Texted Donald. He says coffee is an essential part of any diet. He also said he had some workout tips for me, ways to keep me in shape during my time off, and then sent me a picture of his hands moving. I told him I need to enhance the picture in order to see his tiny hands (LOL).
11:57: Donald is still texting me. He didn’t like my hands joke and now is sending pictures of… well, is the term people use NSFW? “DOES THAT LOOK SMALL TO YOU?” he’s asking. Classic Donald.
1:03: What channel is Red Zone? Normally, I direct my TV questions to Donald, but I don’t think he’s too happy with me right now. Maybe I’ll call the cable company. Is there, like, one number for all of them?
1:27: Found Scott Hanson, finally! G still not home. Getting hungry again. Wes left a bag of strawberries hidden away behind one of my MVP trophies. He said they’re a magical fruit and that I was crazy for never having one before. Now the strawberries are all I can think about.
2:04: I’m better looking that Jimmy, right?
Jimmy G hurt pic.twitter.com/XUH0jbpAZw
— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) September 18, 2016
2:29: Note to self: Delete all texts sent to Kiko Alonso. Also, send him an Uggs gift basket.
2:53: Does Scott Hanson ever pee?
3:14: How come Peyton’s commercials get more airtime than mine? Maybe Donald could fix this in a few months?
3:41: Just watched the Giants fail to score again and then texted Peyton this picture…
… but then he got all mean and sent this back, and now I remember why I don’t like speaking to him.
4:47: Trying to call in to postgame show on WEEI, but the lines are busy. So annoying.
5:03: G finally came home. She says she’s making kale and avocado soup for dinner! Best. Night. Ever!
5:10: I messed up. I forgot to brush my teeth after the coffee and G smelt it on my breath. I also forgot to take off my Uggs when she got home. I’m in big trouble.
5:39: Just got a coded email from Bill’s G-mail. In the subject, he wrote the number “5” which means I should circle every fifth letter of the message to read the real message. Kind of like that scene in Con Air (which, by the way, is an all-time great movie). The message: “Browns Week 5 scouting report: Show up.” Classic Bill.
6:12: Texted Jimmy to get well soon, but only because G said I have to and that otherwise I’d look suspicious.
7:55: G says I have to be asleep in five minutes but I don’t want to. I want to watch Aaron Rodgers. She says I can’t.
8:11: Great day! But I’m still wired from all that football and coffee. Maybe tomorrow I’ll text Donald for some fast food recommendations.