In an eight-year career as an NFL running back, Arian Foster went one-on-one with a fair number of linebackers and safeties and lived to tell the story. He is apparently of the belief that wolves would be no different.
On Sunday, the 30-year-old retiree got to tweeting, and shared his belief that he could take a wolf in a fight.
wanna go camping but "wildlife" scares the shit outta me.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i honestly think i can get a wolf 1 on 1 tho.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Many of Foster’s followers were immediately skeptical that the former running back could survive a run-in with a wolf, but he insisted, citing the advantage afforded by his thumbs, among other things.
i'm 230, wolfs are what, 180-200 tops? he has no thumbs. if i control his neck he's dunzo. https://t.co/j9vf2knwqI
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
wolves don't scare me like that cuz in my neighborhood was a bunch of loose enraged pits. if he alone i think i can get him.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, wouldn’t the wolf bite you?
how he gon bite w half a jaw? https://t.co/i5prSDynUd
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, don’t wolves hunt in packs?
none of them have thumbs. https://t.co/zoyE5MhGWH
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, wolves are vicious hunters.
thumbs means i can grab him .he can't grab me. all he has is a mouth. grab his neck he can't bite. https://t.co/5s61cihKVb
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
plus i have the advantage of honking about this wolf. like i'm prepared.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
if we run into each other in my head "oh yea it's on, wolf". he's jus like "what is this aggressive species threatening me."
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i've studied the wolf. he can't read. i know his weaknesses. plus the thumb thing.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Ready? Now, it gets really good.
bro you think a wolf knows where my artery is? all the sudden i'm fighting a wolf that knows biology? https://t.co/0rKRorDSaw
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
"what about his teeth? and claws?" this ain't a video game. one hit and i'm done. it's a fight.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
if he bites me his main weapon is immobilized. then becomes vulnerable. this is why thumbs are so important.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
y'all will never kill a wolf with this kind of attitude. he's already defeated you off of reputation. not me. fuck him.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, wouldn’t a wolf just bite you super hard and immobilize your arm?
THUMB*. i still have a whole other arm (my right one cuz i use non dominant one to shield). i'm just smarter than the wolf. advg: me. https://t.co/5eqoF1uVf1
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
also hasn't been to 4 probowls, overcome those injuries and DOESNT HAVE THUMBS. advg: me, fucker. https://t.co/337xEc8k05
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
i think we think of wolves as these vicious aggressors become of stories thru the years.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
you think a wolf and lion or bear is the same? smh https://t.co/CsyiuE7pOR
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
145lbs. he T.I. weight? i don't see it. https://t.co/bK82BKL1A5
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, don’t animals know how to attack the weakest part of their prey?
no they don't. they just bite what they can. y'all kill me with this shit. https://t.co/AXfEmxxhhm
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
show me how the wolf in time of conflict analyzes exactly what part of the body is the weakest, determines how its the weakest, then attacks
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
so if a wolf bites my arm, he'll let go cuz "that's not the weakest part"? https://t.co/WJoZ0gjduO
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
But Arian, you weren’t looking so fast by the end of your NFL career.
tf we ain't racing, we fighting. yo fears of wolves ain't in me g https://t.co/moaO7C7YTz
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
Well, lack of fear is definitely some kind of advantage.
Yahoo Sports ran a poll asking Twitter users who would win in a fight between Foster and a wolf, and the responses were not kind to Arian.
IMPORTANT POLL: Who would win a 1-on-1 battle, Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) or a wolf?
— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) March 5, 2017
Not that he’s deterred…
odds are against us. https://t.co/2RSosqOVHC
— feeno (@ArianFoster) March 5, 2017
The big flaw in Foster’s gameplan heading into this hypothetical wolf fight is his belief he could just grab a wolf. More likely, his thumbs would prove useless with a vicious animal charging at him. And even if he did somehow grab the wolf, what then? It would squirm lose before Foster could land more than one punch.
This is not the first time Foster has drawn some online criticism for animal-related opinions. In 2014 Foster, then still active in the NFL, wanted you to know that your cat doesn’t love you.
You can imagine how that went over.
Your cat doesn't love you. Sorry.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) May 23, 2014
Set your cat free if you love him/her. RT @MornLess: @ArianFoster We are judging your skepticism. #samelove http://t.co/nlczC4Jn2F
— feeno (@ArianFoster) May 23, 2014
Starting to respect the ambition of cat owners to prove to me their cats love them. I dig that.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) May 23, 2014
Check my mentions if you like pictures of cats getting forced to take pictures by their owners to show their adorability.
— feeno (@ArianFoster) May 23, 2014
Lol look at her eyes whilst you passionately/awkwardly kiss her RT @ivylovescats: @ArianFoster nope, she loves me ^_^ pic.twitter.com/vo7xCZhFe9
— feeno (@ArianFoster) May 23, 2014
Arian Foster has animal takes, and he’s not afraid to share them. Watch out, wolves.
