The NFL is headed to Sin City with the Monday announcement that the Oakland Raiders would become the Las Vegas Raiders next season.

Now, the Raiders are getting more than they bargained for, even knowing they were going to Las Vegas. A Vegas brothel owner announced that he plans to open a brothel in 2020 when the Raiders’ new stadium opens, with special discounts for Raiders players and staff.

Let’s take a moment to talk about how great these quotes are. This was released in typical press release format, and usually, press releases contain boring, sanitized quotes. Dennis Hof, the owner of the proposed brothel, just cuts right to the chase.

Here’s a ranking of the most outrageous quotes from Hof.

5. “My seventh sex palace will be called the ‘Pirate’s Booty Sports Brothel,’ and it will be the first brothel entirely dedicated to athletes and their die hard fans.”

4.”The Raiders coming to Vegas will mean big business for me, so my next sex den will honor the ‘Men in Black’ and their ‘Raider Nation.'”

3. “Pirate’s Booty will have the magnificent ‘Darrell Russell Hall of Dames,’ named after the late-great Raiders defensive tackle and well-known Bunny Ranch patron.”

2. “I’ve had a license for a seventh brothel near Las Vegas for some time now, but I was waiting for the right time to launch another house of debauchery.”

1. “The VIP section will be exclusively available to Raiders players and other high-profile athletes, and staffed with over twenty cheerleader-garbed working girls called either the ‘Wide Receivers’ or ‘Hookerettes,’ I haven’t yet decided.”

 

There’s no word yet on what the Raiders or the NFL think of this, though one could imagine they won’t (publicly) be thrilled.

About Kevin Trahan

Kevin mostly covers college football and college basketball, with an emphasis on NCAA issues and other legal issues in sports. He is also an incoming law student. He's written for SB Nation, USA Today, VICE Sports, The Guardian and The Wall Street Journal, among others. He is a graduate of Northwestern University.