It’s all anybody really wants to know about the NFL is who’s better than who.

All the analysis, previews, breakdowns and smack talk boil down to a simple hierarchy: If any two given teams played, who’d win? That’s what power rankings are all about, and I’m going to spend the rest of the year at The Comeback slotting all 32 teams exactly where they belong.

32. Chicago Bears
Coming into the season, one could make a rational argument that the Bears could be right on the Packers’ heels well into December. With a decimated defense, hobbled skill-position talent and Brian Hoyer under center, it’s hard to see where their next win comes from.

31. Cleveland Browns
It was the tale of two Codies: Cody Kessler, notorious third-round draft reach, and Cody Parkey, newly signed free agent kicker. Unexpectedly, Kessler quarterbacked the Browns well enough to beat the Miami Dolphins in Miami, but Parkey missed three field goals. Even on their third-string quarterback, there’s a spark of something here, but until they start actually beating people I can’t put the Browns any higher.

JACKSONVILLE, FL - SEPTEMBER 11: Head coach Gus Bradley of the Jacksonville Jaguars watches the action during a game against the Green Bay Packers at EverBank Field on September 11, 2016 in Jacksonville, Florida. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)
JACKSONVILLE, FL – SEPTEMBER 11: Head coach Gus Bradley of the Jacksonville Jaguars watches the action during a game against the Green Bay Packers at EverBank Field on September 11, 2016 in Jacksonville, Florida. (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)

30. Jacksonville Jaguars
After high expectations and a valiant Week 1 defeat, the Jaguars look completely defeated. This is a 10-win roster on its way to a three- or four-win season; Gus Bradley has to be feeling serious heat.

29. Miami Dolphins
The unit that’s kept them afloat, the defense, would have allowed 30 points to the Browns if it weren’t for Parkey. Yes, they clawed out a totally undeserved win, but the scope of Adam Gase’s rebuilding project seems to grow with every single game.

28. San Francisco 49ers
What to make of the NFC West? The 49ers blew out the Los Angeles Rams in spectacular fashion, the Rams beat the Seattle Seahawks in a black-eyed cage match and the Seahawks handled the 49ers. I still say this is a talented defense, but the boom-or-bust offense is doing them no favors.

27. Tennessee Titans
Another round of applause for Dick LeBeau, who’s making knockoff designer handbags out of butcher paper and twine, but what offensive talent this team has is being criminally misused.

26. New Orleans Saints
I spent two weeks thinking this Saints team is good, but highly variable. After getting outclassed by the Falcons, I think they might be bad and highly variable.

25. Baltimore Ravens
This is the ugliest, least inspiring 3-0 start I’ve ever seen. I had to fight myself not to drop them after edging the Jaguars 19-17.

24. Detroit Lions
Technically, the Lions lost by seven. Actually, their first-half pass coverage was so completely discombobulated, so woefully out-of-position, so utterly rent by Rodgers that it almost looked like sabotage. Until the linebackers who actually know the defense get healthy — or until defensive coordinator Teryl Austin stops pulling a Costanza, whichever comes first — this playoff-worthy offense is anchored in the bottom half of the rankings.

23. San Diego Chargers
Okay, so we’ve established who the Chargers are: A team that can score a lot of points and lose to just about anybody except the Jaguars. But they’ve played the Jaguars, so…

https://vine.co/v/5vxUMWeeAhh

22. Seattle Seahawks
I’m not sure beating the 49ers cures what’s ailing this team. I’m prepared to be wrong, but I’m also prepared to be right.

21. Los Angeles Rams
They aren’t just above the Seahawks because they beat the Seahawks; the Rams have now beaten a potential rival for an NFC Wild Card spot. That’s huge.

20. Indianapolis Colts
The Colts have stopped looking dangerous in close losses and started looking ugly in close wins. Improvement?

About Ty Schalter

Ty Schalter is thrilled to be part of The Comeback. A member of the Pro Football Writers of America, Ty also works as an NFL columnist for Bleacher Report and VICE Sports, and regular host for Sirius XM’s Bleacher Report Radio. In another life, he was an IT cubicle drone with a pretentious Detroit Lions blog.