It’s all anybody really wants to know about the NFL is who’s better than who.

All the analysis, previews, breakdowns and smack talk boil down to a simple hierarchy: If any two given teams played, who’d win? That’s what power rankings are all about, and I’m going to spend this season at The Comeback slotting all 32 teams exactly where they belong.

32. Cleveland Browns
This team keeps being feistier than they should be, and showing signs of serious improvement despite all kinds of adversity. That having been said, they still haven’t beaten anybody—and don’t look likely to start soon.

31. Indianapolis Colts
If the Colts could arrive at the stadium any earlier than the fourth quarter, maybe they’d be a little higher on this list. But A) they can’t, and B) this week’s sudden release of veteran defenders Antonio Cromartie and Sio Moore point to a team in freefall. Getting the division-rival Jacksonville Jaguars off the schneid in London is a terrible look.

30. Detroit Lions
I swear, this team is way too talented to be this low, but the grace period is over.This loaded, high-scoring offense just played a decimated Chicago Bears defense and put up six offensive points.

02 October 2016: Chicago Bears Quarterback Brian Hoyer (2) during an NFL football game between the Detroit Lions and the Chicago Bears at Solider Field in Chicago, IL. The Chicago Bears won 17-14. (Photo by Daniel Bartel/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)
02 October 2016: Chicago Bears Quarterback Brian Hoyer (2) during an NFL football game between the Detroit Lions and the Chicago Bears at Solider Field in Chicago, IL. The Chicago Bears won 17-14. (Photo by Daniel Bartel/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

29. Chicago Bears
They won a game! With Brian Hoyer at quarterback and a cast of backups on defense! And they lost receiver Kevin White in the process! But they won!

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Frankly, the Bucs are lucky I didn’t drop them any lower. But there isn’t much shame in getting whupped by this year’s edition of the Denver Broncos, and they still have more healthy talent on one side of the ball than the Bears have on two.

27. Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins put up no real fight against the Cincinnati Bengals, and gave us no real reason to believe it’s going to get any better. The defense is going to keep preventing ugly blowout losses, but the offense is going to keep preventing, you know, wins.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars
They won a game! And the defense actually looked really good in spots! And Blake Bortles threw touchdown passes! Now if they could only do it against a team outside of their own miserable division!

25. Tennessee Titans
Is “No. 30, then barely beat the Colts” better than “No. 27, then barely lost to the Texans”? Goodness gracious, the AFC South is terrible.

24. Kansas City Chiefs
I know this is a better-than-bottom-third team, but Andy Reid is just not putting this talent in position to win. Justin Houston would fix a lot of problems, but not nearly all of them.

About Ty Schalter

Ty Schalter is thrilled to be part of The Comeback. A member of the Pro Football Writers of America, Ty also works as an NFL columnist for Bleacher Report and VICE Sports, and regular host for Sirius XM’s Bleacher Report Radio. In another life, he was an IT cubicle drone with a pretentious Detroit Lions blog.