John Scott being voted into the All-Star Game has dominated the NHL headlines for weeks. The only other aging pugilist to receive these levels of love and attention this year is Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky Balboa character in the fifth…no sixth…wait seventh installment of the Rocky saga.

No matter the argument for Scott playing or not playing in the game, we can all agree he is one of the worst hockey players in the NHL — well, more accurately, the AHL these days — and doesn’t “deserve” to be an All-Star based on his skills. The hockey world has debated conspiracy theories about his trade to Montreal last week, whether the Internet “bullied” him into going and the overall value of an All-Star Game in 2016.

You know what no one has been doing, at least, not as much as in the past? Pissing and moaning about All-Star snubs. A lot of that can be credited to Scott’s attention and the fact he is so clearly the worst All-Star in maybe the history of All-Star Games in any sport and maybe even worse than the Smashmouth song. (Ed note: Hey now!)

It’s always upsetting when players aren’t getting the attention they deserve, so here are the five players (besides Scott) that have no business being in the All-Star Game and the players who had their spots stolen.

5. Ryan McDonagh, D, New York Rangers

Ask nearly anyone, and they will tell you McDonagh is having one of his worst seasons in recent years. Of course, it’s one of his worst seasons, not a bad a season, so it’s not as though this was an incredibly poor choice. He plays tough minutes, has decent offensive numbers but let’s be honest about why he’s here.

Henrik Lundqvist doesn’t have his usual stellar numbers. Why? Because the defense in front of him, which includes McDonagh, has been unbelievably bad. Throw in the fact that Braden Holtby and Cory Schneider’s have been outstanding along with the Metro’s deep group of forwards and this is maybe the least deserving nod of them all.

Who should go instead: Keith Yandle, D New York Rangers

Wait, so after blaming the Rangers defense for Lundqvist spending the weekend at home, you want to reward a different Rangers defenseman? That makes no sense.

Look, a Rangers defenseman had to be the choice. It’s like paying a toll on a highway; you don’t want to do it and you don’t understand why you have to do it since your taxes built the road in the first place but you know this has to happen anyway because the process involved in both doesn’t make any sense and you’re too tired to fight it.

Yandle is built for 3-on-3, a format that doesn’t require much defending at all. His skating, passing and shooting ability made him a much better than choice than McDonagh, who is clearly the better defenseman but is lacking in the offensive gifts.

Is Tom Hardy a better actor than Will Ferrell? Of course. Would you cast Hardy in Fart Daddy Day Trip instead of Ferrell? Of course not. The All-Star Game is the Fart Daddy Day Trip on the NHL calendar and Yandle should have been in the cast.

 

4. John Gibson, G, Anaheim Ducks

Imagine going to the grocery store on Super Bowl Sunday. It’s an hour before kickoff and you need chips for the party. But when you get here, all that’s left is two bags of dehydrated prunes, an already-open bag of baked cottage cheese balls and a bag of Sun Chips.

You don’t want Sun Chips. No one does. But that’s the best available option so you sigh and take them to the check-out.

That’s John Gibson.

He has a very respectable .923 save percentage but he’s only made 17 starts. The Ducks already have Corey Perry in the game so it’s not as though Gibson had to be there as his team’s only representative. But when nearly every goaltender in your division is at .915 or below, you get Sun Chips.

Who should go instead: Louis Domingue, G, Arizona Coyotes

So now you’re saying a goaltender with only 11 starts and a slightly better .928 save percentage should go instead of Gibson?

Stop questioning my list. Make your own list.

What’s one of the prevailing arguments about Scott being in the All-Star Game? That he’s stealing a spot from a fellow Coyote. Well, wouldn’t having Domingue, a fellow rookie goaltender on a team that’s having a better season than the Ducks, end that argument? Despite playing in six fewer games, Domingue has only faced 66 fewer shots, so he’s doing his stellar work while facing more shots per start.

I’m not sure how to tie this together, so let’s say Domingue is Southern Biscuits and Gravy Lay’s Chips. He’s new, fun and we’re not quite sure if he will make us sick but we will try him anyway.

 

3. Claude Giroux, C, Philadelphia Flyers

Giroux is having a perfectly adequate season. He has 35 points in 44 games, good for seventh in the Metro, and he’s the only Flyer at the game, so this is a case of a player having to be there.

If only there was the type of player not going to the game that should have to be there every year that could replace Giroux.

Who should go instead: Sidney Crosby, C, Pittsburgh Penguins

This wasn’t the case at the time teams were announced, but Crosby has more points than Giroux. Even before that, it’s not as though a torch was passed between Giroux and Crosby. The latter was still very clearly the league’s biggest star and was not attending a league event fueled by stars.

Because of injuries and Olympics, the NHL’s poster child has played in just one All-Star Game. This would have been the perfect year to get him back to the game, but alas, if a player from every team wasn’t there, no one would watch.

Damn, those last four words didn’t appear in sarcasm font and now I have to explain my own joke.

 

2. Brandon Saad, LW, Columbus Blue Jackets

The way Scott’s inclusion has shined a light on the foolishness of the All-Star voting process, Saad’s inclusion should do the same for the silliness of having to have one player from every team.
Saad has the third-fewest points (31) of any All-Star forward in the East, plays for one of the worst teams in the league and a team with zero national draw. You could say that’s making everyone …

No, I won’t do it.

Actually, I will.

He’s making everyone Saad by being in the All-Star Game.

Who should go instead: Evgeny Kuznetsov, C, Washington Capitals

The NHL’s fourth-leading scorer isn’t going because the Capitals already have three players (Nicklas Backstrom, Alex Ovechkin and Braden Holtby) and having a fourth from a team that’s just about locked up the President’s Trophy at the All-Star break would be crazy.

The last thing the NHL needs when its sport takes the spotlight is skilled, jaw-dropping talent; it needs a guy with 15 goals on a team in Ohio because there is a team in Ohio.

That sarcasm font needs to be invented immediately.

 

1. Pekka Rinne, G, Nashville Predators

You live with two roommates. It’s you, Roman and Pekka. You want to throw a party at your place but you and Roman don’t want to invite Pekka, who has lived with you forever. How do you avoid this? You all know the same people and he will definitely hear about the party and realize he wasn’t invited. What can be done?

Nothing. You invite Pekka and pretend you needed him there.

Who should go instead: Corey Crawford, G, Chicago Blackhawks

If Rinne is the roommate that never pays his rent on time, sets the thermostat at 62 and always wants to watch Castle reruns while you’re trying to watch The Good Wife with your girlfriend. Crawford is the wealthy friend with normal body temperature that runs a Julianna Margulies fan site.

Rinne: 16-15-7, 2.58/.902

Crawford: 27-10-2, 2.14/.931

Crawford is on his way to a Vezina finalist nod one year after winning a Stanley Cup, albeit with first-round help from Scott Darling.

It would be one thing if the Predators didn’t have Shea Weber and Roman Josi already attending, but cramming Rinne into the game as a third representative should do way more to defeat the idea the All-Star Game is “sacred” in nature than fans voting in a guy in the AHL.