It’s the day after a dark day on the NHL schedule, so maybe that’s why this 10-deep mailbag has so many questions about food and Halloween candy. There’s also a McDavid/Crosby question, one that will get asked throughout the season and one about the abundance of goaltenders, but most importantly, is there a sandwich better than a Cuban? Mailbag!

Who’s The Best?

As recently as three weeks ago, I would have thought this question to be insane. But, in my best Julian Sands from Ocean’s Thirteen voice, it’s legitimate.

There will be stretches this season where McDavid will be without question worthy of the Best Player In The NHL title. But Crosby will remind people he’s still the Best Player In The NHL at different points. By next year, I’d say it will be McDavid. He’s like nothing else in the league at the moment, sort of like when Crosby was in his first two seasons. This season, it will go back and forth between them as long as they are healthy.

It’s not as though Crosby is a 15-goal, 68-assist guy who can’t score goals, but McDavid is such a finisher. And he’s faster than Crosby when he was Peak Crosby. You know how when you play street hockey, you can stop on a dime and make goalies look silly in a way you can’t when you’re on skates? McDavid on skates is like any other human in sneakers. It’s like the laws of ice and skate blades and edges don’t apply to him. He has the potential to be a perennial 100-point in a league desperately in need of them.

Meat In The Middle

Yes. Chicken parm, meatball parm, veal parm, eggplant parm, buffalo chicken sandwich, pulled pork sandwich, French Dip, cheesesteak, chicken cheesesteak, grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly, BLT, lobster roll, shrimp po boy, bacon, egg and cheese, ham, egg and cheese, sausage, egg and cheese, Taylor Ham, egg and cheese, plain egg and cheese, caprese, any cold sub that you can heat up, any Fat sandwich from the Grease Trucks at Rutgers, cheeseburger, double cheeseburger, triple cheeseburger, bacon cheeseburger, the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy’s, the Italian chicken sandwich from Burger King, the spicy chicken filet from Bojangles, the Egg McMuffin, the Sausage McMuffin, the McGriddle, any breakfast food that is between two waffles, sausage and peppers, sloppy joe, and, last but not least, a hot dog.

Goaltending Oriented

It wobbles my mind that there aren’t more trades in the NHL. General managers have an aversion to making deals like I have an aversion to waking up before 8 a.m. It’s especially weird this year, when there are teams like the Islanders, Penguins and Lightning that have an extra goaltender and the Kings, who fancy themselves contenders, haven’t made a deal for someone on those teams and the Stars continue to ride their terrible combo.

The thing about Pavelec is, yes, he’s bad, but he’s only signed for one more year and he’s cheaper than Ben Bishop and he’s better than what the Kings have. I’m not sure why the Islanders would trade Halak unless they were getting someone like Jacob Trouba in return. The Halak-Greiss combo is solid, and got the Islanders to a second-round playoff series last year, yet J-F Berube is hanging around for some reason. But, yes, it seems odd that Halak isn’t a hot commodity when he could probably get the Stars to a Cup Final.

I also think every NHL general manager is the guy in your fantasy league that overvalues all his players and refuses to make trades. NHL GMs love their guys and they especially love their goaltenders. The Blues traded Ben Bishop because they had young Jake Allen, but they also waited until the summer. Maybe the Kings are going to ride out the storm until Jonathan Quick comes back and all these teams trade their goalies in the summer. The NHL is weird, man.

Hard Candy

People who put candy into popcorn at the movies should be jailed for at least 10 years. I’d rather see every movie alone for the rest of my life than reach into some shared popcorn and pull out a Whopper. It’s unholy. I’d walk out of the theater and never speak to that person again. I don’t even know what I’d do if I was holding popcorn in my lap and someone dumped Mike and Ikes in there. I’d call the police.

What’s In A Name?

His name is Madison Bumgarner. It’s not Angus Angroson.

Circus Trip

The tone of this question seems to suggest circus peanuts are something less than delicious. Candy corn is garbage. Fasting is for… whoever does that, I guess.

Dildo Content

Why can’t the NHL do this? If teddy bears go to kids in need, why can’t dildos get to adults who need them but are too embarrassed to buy them? You know how you can realize you want something that you never knew was even possible? That’s how I feel about the Dildo Toss. I’m picking Vancouver for this. All dildos must be rubber. The NHL doesn’t need the bad PR of a glass dildo hitting a kid in the head.

Sinking In

If I had a time machine, no, I would not go back in time and kill myself.

Remake It Anywhere

“Brewster’s Millions” would be great today. It was great then, but it could use an update. Change it to billions.

Monty runs for office to lose money and lose the race intentionally. Hmmm, do we know anyone today that’s burning money and seems to be trying to lose an election on purpose? There would also be a bitcoin joke to make it #modarn. I’ve thought about this for a while and I’d write the hell out of it.

Trade Call

To close this week’s mailbag I will say that, yes, if I were the Bruins, I would trade Carlo Spooner The First for Jacob Trouba.