Let’s talk about reasons, and what make certain ones right. We hear the phrase “right reasons” tossed around all the time in the Bachelor universe.

Take this week’s Bachelor in Paradise episodes, for example. Nick accused Josh of being there for “the wrong reasons.” Caila told us that she doesn’t think Ashley I. is “here for the right reasons.” Haley and Emily sent themselves home because they didn’t want to stay in Paradise for the wrong reasons.

So, what qualifies as “the right reasons”? Ask any Bachelor contestant and they’ll toss out words like “love”, “relationship”, and “connection”, and the search for all three. That is supposed to be the selling point of this packaged garbage. The Bachelor is about helping men and women find love. Simple as that.

Except, well, not exactly. This, after all, is the 21st century. It’s a whole new world out there. Instagram is a thing. There are apps which exist for the sole purpose of helping complete strangers hook up. You no longer need skills to be famous. Also, if you have any interest in living a normal life then being famous kind of sucks.

Normal people don’t go looking for love on reality TV; normal people do it by sitting through the dozen dates your married friend’s wife set up with the hope that maybe, perhaps, one pans out.

Reality TV is for boosting your fame and social media profile, and facilitating introductions with Instagram models. That’s why you go on the Bachelor or Paradise. Anyone searching for love on a reality TV show is a moron. Those solely looking to get laid, or become more famous so that they can eventually get laid, are the ones there for the “right reasons.”

Now on to this week’s rankings.


Caila & Jared

Now that’s how you call a man all in. Caila, sick of having Ashley I. sabotage her business, dropped a bomb on Jared after having another awkward one-on-one with Jared’s stalker: “I’m going home,” she said. “What you do is up to you.” And at first it looked like her play was going to backfire. Then, suddenly, Jared appeared out of nowhere…

About Yaron Weitzman

Yaron Weitzman is a freelance writer based in New York whose work frequently appears on The Comeback, SB Nation and in SLAM Magazine. He's also been published on SB Nation Longform, The Cauldron, Tablet Magazine and in the Journal News. Yaron can be followed on Twitter @YaronWeitzman