“Time has run out,” Chris Harrison said during the intro to the season three finale of Bachelor in Paradise. “There are just certain things you talk about before you get engaged,” Grant said to the cameras, “and Lace and I haven’t and now it feels like I’m out of time.”

This was the common theme of Wednesday night’s Bachelor in Paradise finale, the idea that relationships had hit this do-or-die period. Here’s my question, though: Do these people realize that you are allowed to date someone in Paradise and then, you know, actually continue dating them after the show? Crazy notion, I know.

It’s like these contestants are under the impression that if you meet someone at Paradise and don’t get engaged before you leave — meaning just weeks after meeting them — the relationship must automatically end. Maybe someone should break the news to them that dating is allowed, and actually something that us plebeians do quite frequently.

If you want to get engaged so that you get that expensive-ass ring the Bachelor provides, that’s one thing. But just once, it would be nice to hear one of these idiots point out that popping the question after three weeks of dating is insane.

Now on to our final Power Rankings of the season.


1. Wells

Now THAT’s how you play the game. Wells showed up late, went on dates with three different women, probably hooked up with each of them, boosted his public profile — an important factor given that he’s a radio DJ — then bounced before things with any of the women got serious. So, to summarize: Wells was given a free vacation. There, he got to chill with a dozen gorgeous girls. He’ll likely get a better job out of all this too, and I’m sure he won’t have any issues meeting ladies in the future.

Normal people don’t use reality TV as a means to find love; they look at it as a way to get rich and famous. That Wells seemed to be the only one in Paradise aware of this is why he finishes the season No. 1.

2. Vinny

Remember how Vinny got dumped by Izzy because she was physically attracted to another dude? You know, something that married people feel every day? Shockingly, Izzy’s relationship with Brett didn’t work out. Moments after being dumped herself, Izzy had a “come to Jesus” moment and realized that she had made a mistake and did indeed miss Vinny. She called him in the car home. Here’s what Vinny had to say:

“You went for some guy with a lamp. I can’t be with someone like that. Bye.”

My man!

3. Nick

Things worked out perfectly for Nick. He stayed on Paradise for the entire season, then cut the cord on his relationship with Jenn so that he could become the next Bachelor, where he’ll have his choice of 20+ ladies. I’m also willing to bet that Nick was all prepared to propose to Jenn, only that’s exactly when the show’s producers invited him to be the next Bachelor. Do I have any proof? Nah. But Nick is 35 and this was his third time appearing on a Bachelor show. He was not going to leave that place alone unless he KNEW there was something better awaiting him.

4. Grace (AKA Grant and Lace)

OK, so I actually like this couple a lot, and feel happy for them. I would have advised against getting matching tattoos, especially on the wrist. At least put that stuff on a leg or a thigh or someplace where, if things go badly, you don’t have to stare at it every day.

About Yaron Weitzman

Yaron Weitzman is a freelance writer based in New York whose work frequently appears on The Comeback, SB Nation and in SLAM Magazine. He's also been published on SB Nation Longform, The Cauldron, Tablet Magazine and in the Journal News. Yaron can be followed on Twitter @YaronWeitzman