And so we say goodbye to The Bachelorette version of the Cobra Kai. Or do we…?

Tuesday’s episode kicked off right where Monday night’s left off: with Chad being told by Chris Harrison to apologize to the rest of the fellas for all the ‘roid ragin’ he’s been unleashing. That went about as well as you’d expect. Steroids aren’t exactly known for stimulating personal awareness. Chad tells the guys he’d appreciate if they just left him alone. He asks tiny little Evan — who’s about the size of one of the drumsticks Chad ate during last week’s Rose Ceremony — to stop bullying him. Everyone just shakes their head.

The doorbell rings. It’s JoJo. There’s going to be a pool party instead of a pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail hour. They all take shots and she tells everyone to take off their shirts. They respond by asking, “What’s a shirt?” I might have made that part up. The boyzzz momentarily forget about the enraged maniac threatening all of them. JoJo, after all, is about to be in a bathing suit—and, more importantly, this is the perfect time to whip out that synchronized dive they’ve apparently spent hours upon hours working on.

The drinks flow. JoJo speaks to Evan and Chase about Chad. They tell her that he’s insane. She’s tells us, again, that she can’t believe the cuddly and sensitive teddy bear that she likes might have two sides. She’s a really good judge of character.

The pool party ends. The Rose Ceremony begins. Ali, Christian and Saint Nick are sent home (more on them below). After that JoJo announces that it’s time to leave the mansion. The dudes are PUMPED. Surely they must be going to Hawaii or Vegas or some sort of exotic island.

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Nemacolin is apparently a place in Pennsylvania. The show moved to the woods. And first up was the group date: a trip to Heinz Field to chill with some members of the Pittsburgh Steelers, including star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Because any time you can get love and dating advice from a man who’s been accused of sexual assault twice, you just have to do it. If one of the contestants starts walking around with his dick flapping around and asks a bodyguard to drag a drunk JoJo into a back bathroom, well, we now know who to blame.


As for the football itself, Jordan, I think, threw for 1,234 yards and 72 touchdowns. But those stats might not be exact. There were vicious tackles and brutal hits. There was even blood. The blue team won. For a second, it looked like they were about to take Roethlisberger’s advice.

About Yaron Weitzman

Yaron Weitzman is a freelance writer based in New York whose work frequently appears on The Comeback, SB Nation and in SLAM Magazine. He's also been published on SB Nation Longform, The Cauldron, Tablet Magazine and in the Journal News. Yaron can be followed on Twitter @YaronWeitzman