I see you there wearing some uncomfortable-ass-pants while you argue with your uncle about the GI Bill as you stress-eat mashed potatoes. Look, this holiday can be hard to stomach as you’re confronted with the realities of, well, the people who raised you. But don’t lose sight of the fact that there’s still a lot of good shit in the world. Twitter, the abusive mistress that she is, the source of so much pleasure and pain, can be a delightful distraction on this day. I, for one, laughed out loud five times before my feet even graced the floor this morning. So, yeah, here are the five Twitter accounts that will help you endure this weekend of potential family drama.

Charlotte Wilder: @TheWilderThings

Wilder is a writer for Sports Illustrated, hosts The Wilder Project, and co-hosts the MostVPodcast. She’s also #1 in my own personal power ranking of people I don’t know in real life but want to BFF. Follow her for sports-related and general hilarity, and supreme coverage of whatever Gritty has going on.

SportsPickle: @SportsPickle

Ok, kind of a biased pick here since SportsPickle is part of The Comeback network, but this account slays me on the regular. They are The Onion of sports, except funnier. Follow them to find out who is and isn’t elite, and to devour excellent conspiracy theories. Searching “Eli Manning” on Sportspickle.com is something you can do in the bathroom while hiding from relatives. And if you maybe want to feel a little bit better about your family, SportsPickle celebrates “Takesgiving” each year where people submit the weirdest and most insane takes family members have when at the dinner table.

Drew Magary: @DrewMagary

Magary, of Deadspin and GQ ilk, is a must-follow for side-clutching, self-deprecating humor and tweets about his awesome wife. Not elite at backyard football, but elite on Twitter.

Spencer Hall: @edsbs 

Known as Bum Chillups on Twitter, you know Hall from SB Nation, The Shutdown Fullcast, and Every Day Should Be Saturday (agreed) dot com. Follow him for hilarious GIFs and endless Thanksgiving jokes.

Maria Taylor: @MariaTaylor

You need to follow GameDay’s Taylor for three reasons 1) all of the sports knowledge 2) she’s awesome 3) in conjunction with Chiney Ogwumike, her epic takedown of Domonique Foxworth was standing-ovation worthy.

Taylor had a little fun about the subject, asking fans to caption this epic GIF:

Mine: Like Foxworth has any idea what women want.

I hope this article provided a little bit of a distraction. Ok, back to arguing about the GI Bill.

About Jill Whisnant

Jill earned an honorary degree in sports snark from Twitter University. She resides in the San Francisco Bay Area, where she spends the fall months at Stanford Stadium. Jill loves flea flickers, Spider 3 Y Banana, and Jim Harbaugh rage. She detests visors and The Wave.