Why would anyone want to be a part of the Jedi religion?

Have you seen the Jedi in the Star Wars movies? They’re cold and detached from the rest of society. They’re emotionless (or supposed to be). They lack passion. Because they’re supposed to deny any attachments, they’re not allowed to get married, let alone have children. They’re destined to lead a solitary life serving others and never experiencing any kind of connection or joy.

No thank you.

So we applaud the The Charity Commission for England and Wales for ruling that the “Temple of the Jedi Order” is not an official religion.

“The commission considered an application by the Temple of the Jedi Order for registration as a charity and concluded that the organization was not established for exclusively charitable purposes and could not be registered. The commission was not satisfied that Jediism is a religion in charity law.”

Good, because we don’t need more people going off and thinking this is a good idea. Also, they’ve seen Revenge of the Sith, right? They know what happens, don’t they?

Besides, if you’re going to join a fictional religion, there are so many better ones out there.

Dudeism

If you’re looking for religion in pop culture but don’t want to, you know, have to do a lot of stuff, you can’t possible go wrong with the religion inspired by “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski himself.

The Dudeist belief system is essentially a modernized form of Taoism stripped of all of its metaphysical and medical doctrines. Dudeism advocates and encourages the practice of “going with the flow”, “being cool headed”, and “taking it easy” in the face of life’s difficulties, believing that this is the only way to live in harmony with our inner nature and the challenges of interacting with other people. It also aims to assuage feelings of inadequacy that arise in societies which place a heavy emphasis on achievement and personal fortune. Consequently, simple everyday pleasures like bathing, bowling, and hanging out with friends are seen as far preferable to the accumulation of wealth and the spending of money as a means to achieve happiness and spiritual fulfillment.

Cthulhu Mythos

Let’s say you want to go the other way. You believe very much in the horrors of the universe and want to prepare yourself for the pain and suffering to come but don’t feel like the guilt that comes with Christianity or Judaism is quite enough punishment enough. Consider praying at the alter of Cthulhu, one of The Great Old Ones from H.P. Lovecraft’s stories.

What does Cthulhu look like, you ask?

“A monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind.”

Neat.

First United Church of the Fonz

The religion that Peter Griffin created during an episode of Family Guy seems to be as harmless and/or helpful as most actual religions. As Stewie puts it, “Deep down, I think we all secretly yearn to be Italian and stupid.”

Let us all Ayyyy!

Bokononism

43766-1

“Live by the foma that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.”

This belief system comes courtesy of Kurt Vonnegut, specifically from the novel Cat’s Cradle. Based on the concept of foma (harmless untruths), Bokononism is a religion that is based entirely on lies. However, so long as you believe in the lies, you’ll find peace of mind and live well.

If that makes you think a certain something about actual religions, well, we’re just gonna let that ruminate. And just in case you need more info, someone actually wrote a college paper on Bokononism in practice.

The Sith Order

BERLIN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 20:  A man dressed as the Star Wars character Darth Vader arrives for a church service centered around the 1983 film 'Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi' at the Zionskirche (Zion Church) on December 20, 2015 in Berlin, Germany. The latest Star Wars film, 'Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens,' was released in the country two days earlier, and local priests used the opportunity to tie Biblical parallels concerning good and evil to the movie, while using the original film's score by John Williams as organ accompaniment, along with video clips.  (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)
BERLIN, GERMANY – DECEMBER 20: A man dressed as the Star Wars character Darth Vader arrives for a church service centered around the 1983 film ‘Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi’ at the Zionskirche (Zion Church) on December 20, 2015 in Berlin, Germany. (Photo by Adam Berry/Getty Images)
We take what we desire because we can. We can because we have power. We have power because we are Sith.

Let’s face it, it just sounds more fun to be a Sith than a Jedi. They like to make it sound like they’re the bad guys, but really being a Sith is just about being practical.

If you seek to aid everyone that suffers in the galaxy, you will only weaken yourself … and weaken them. It is the internal struggles, when fought and won on their own, that yield the strongest rewards… If you care for others, then dispense with pity and sacrifice and recognize the value in letting them fight their own battles.

The Code of the Sith is basically an inverted version of the Jedi Code, but man does it really sound a whole lot better than the original or what?

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

Who doesn’t want victory? You can keep your serenity, Jedi. We’ll be over here conquering.

[UPI]

About Sean Keeley

Along with writing for Awful Announcing and The Comeback, Sean is the Editorial Strategy Director for Comeback Media. Previously, he created the Syracuse blog Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician and wrote 'How To Grow An Orange: The Right Way to Brainwash Your Child Into Rooting for Syracuse.' He has also written non-Syracuse-related things for SB Nation, Curbed, and other outlets. He currently lives in Seattle where he is complaining about bagels. Send tips/comments/complaints to sean@thecomeback.com.

1 thought on “Five fictional religions way better than the Temple of the Jedi Order

Comments are closed.