I’ve never really been sure what clothing the “don’t wear white after Labor Day” rules is governing.

Is it for formal occasions? Men and women, or just women? If you have a white dog, are you obligated to dye it a tastefully neutral gray for the fall and winter months? And when can you wear white again?

Though all of this could likely be solved by a Wikipedia search, it’s much less fun than ignorantly mocking it.

In a similar but not identical vein, Last Week Tonight took a stab at creating some new holiday-based rules in this web exclusive:

He’s dead-on with the “no gourds after Thanksgiving” rule, and also about winking. Ever go through phases where you find yourself using the same word or phrase repeatedly, bordering on overuse? And then suddenly it stops, and you replace it with something else? For some reason, I did that with winking for about three weeks one time, and it was horrible. And I couldn’t stop!

I’d also add the traditional gripe about Christmas lights being up either too early in the season, or up too late after Christmas. I’ve had neighbors that left them up pretty close to year-round, and they weren’t elderly and unable to take them down or anything.

I do disagree with John, though, when it comes to the use of “that’s interesting” as a filler for conversations that aren’t actually interesting. No one who uses that in that context wants to be using it, they’re using it out of politeness, because they can’t be outright honest with the person they’re talking to. Be it a boss or coworker, or extended family member, or significant other’s extended family member, there are times when you just have to pretend to be interested for a bit before you can make your escape.

Oh, and yeah, eggnog is gross.

About Jay Rigdon

Jay is a columnist at Awful Announcing. He is not a strong swimmer. He is probably talking to a dog in a silly voice at this very moment.