You’re getting a new Transformers film whether you want it or not, young man (or woman).

It’s been more than two years since a new Transformers movie hit theaters to assault your eyes, ears and brains. So another sequel in the giant robots blockbuster was apparently due. But with the last installment — the fourth in the series — earning more than $1 billion globally, there was certain to be another one of these. There is just always going to be another Transformers movie. Accept it.

We’re now up to five of these loud, violent, virtually incoherent Michael Bay-directed spectacles with Transformers: The Last Knight set to be released next summer. The first trailer for Transformers: The Last Knight was released during halftime of Monday Night Football. Let’s all get through this together:

What the hell was that even about? There are swords and dragons. Did Bay want to make a King Arthur movie, but figured he’d do it with Transformers, since he can always make another one of those flicks? Then there’s a Nazi flag. So this is a World War II film? The point is apparently to show that these battles between Autobots and Decepticons have been fought on our planet since medieval times?

I mean, trailers don’t have to explain everything. Actually, it’s probably better when they don’t. And if the main objective of a trailer is to explain the premise, what more needs to be shown or said than the big robots are back, they’re fighting, humanity is in danger and Optimus Prime is doing crazier shit than he ever did in the original 1980s cartoons.

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The previous Transformers film, Age of Extinction, was something of a franchise reboot, casting Mark Wahlberg as the main human character. Not a bad move. Who doesn’t like Mark Wahlberg? Well, fearsome giant alien robots might not.

Maybe part of the problem is that it’s difficult to remember anything from Transformers: Age of Extinction, other than Mark Wahlberg was in it. I reviewed the film — and liked it — and still couldn’t recall what happened, notably why Optimus Prime is floating near Uranus in this trailer while Anthony Hopkins (yes, Anthony Hopkins!) narrates. Regardless of why the biggest, baddest Transformer went into space, it appears to have not worked out well for him.

However, Prime looks like he’s mad about that, judging by him body-slamming Bumblebee and getting ready to impale him. But he’ll have to go through Mark Wahlberg first! And maybe Josh Duhamel, who’s in all of these Transformers movies. Basically, take Optimus Prime and Josh Duhamel defending Earth against a giant alien robot invasion, along with some model-turned-actress that Bay will linger on with his camera, and you have a Transformers movie. That’s probably all that matters.

Transformers: The Last Knight is set for a June 23, 2017 release.

About Ian Casselberry

Ian is a writer, editor, and podcaster. You can find his work at Awful Announcing and Asheville's Mountain XPress. He's written for Yahoo Sports, MLive, Bleacher Report, SB Nation, and Heavy.

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