Pop CultureBy Ty Schalter on

The Shiver: Tonight’s group of Sharks: Dallas Mavericks owner and tech-sector maverick Mark Cuban in his usual stage-right chair, noted haberdasher Daymond John, venture capital mogul Kevin “Mister Wonderful” O’Leary, QVC Queen Lori Greiner and at the end of the line, infosec entrepreneur Robert Herjavec.

The Bait: Better high heels, a truly novel candy novelty, a savory butter innovation and sweet tween-targeted body sprays.

Company: Monica Ferguson & Becca Brown, “Solemates”

Seeking: $500,000 for a 10 percent stake

“We’ve all been there,” the claim says — and even if you haven’t, you know someone who has: Wearing fancy high heels to a fancy function, and the heel sinking into grass, dirt, a sewer grate, what have you. Solemates are little heel caps that discreetly prevent this common foible of fashion.

Each pair retails for $10; they come in clear, silver, black and gold. Time for the Sharks — ALL the Sharks — to see if they work:

“I’m getting excited, because you’re in my space,” Mister Wonderful says. They’re in retail, making $1.1 million in revenue, in 3,000 retail stores across the country. “When a woman finds out this product exists, she has to have it,” Brown says.

They’ve invested $100,000 of their own money, and have since raised under a million in angel investment. They still own 80 percent of the company, 40 percent each, and all the numbers seem really excellent. Except, maybe, too excellent?

“Guys, something’s not adding up for me,” Cuban says. Given the margin and revenue they’re claiming, they should be profiting $650,000 a year. There’s only the two of them, plus an office manager, where’s all that money going? They answer that they have freelance designers, marketers, consultants, etc., but the Sharks don’t sound convinced.

“For me, this isn’t the right investment,” Lori says. For one thing, she sees high-end shoes as the kind of thing you don’t risk ruining by slapping cheap widgets onto them. She’s out. Cuban doesn’t see how they’re going to ramp up their sales high enough (from $1 million to as much as $50 million) to make back his investment and then some. He’s out, and very quickly Daymond is, too. But Robert’s loving what he sees.

https://twitter.com/LoriGreiner/status/787097550725718016

“Any product that makes a man, or a woman, look good and is comfortable is a home run,” Robert says. “I’m going to give you an offer you may not like, but that’s okay because I like it.”

Time for our first DRAMATIC COMMERCIAL BREAK.

“You’re either going to get acquired or you’re going to create a whole new category,” Robert says, and offers them $500k for 25 percent of the company. Mister Wonderful says he wants to change the structure, and of course, here it comes, a loan deal: a $500K loan in return for a 10 percent stake. They don’t seem interested and all the Sharks insist they shouldn’t be. Why would they start servicing debt?

They counter Robert’s offer, at 20 percent — valuing the extra five percent because, as Cuban guesses, they only own 80 percent as is. COMMENCE LOTS OF SHARK HOLLERING:

In the end, there’s only one choice.

Swim or chum? They take Robert’s offer, of course. SWIM.

Should you buy? I have seen the look of panic in my wife’s eyes as her heels sink into soft grass. If you wear high heels, you definitely SHOULD BUY.

Company: Jared Whetstone, “Atlantic Candy Company”

Seeking: $1,000,000 for a 10 percent stake

This third-generation chocolatier makes products for “some of the world’s biggest brands,” and has a patented manufacturing technique for a globally famous treat that isn’t available in the U.S. yet: Hollow chocolate balls with a toy inside.

A century ago, kids used to eat chocolate-covered toys all the time. The problem is, they used to eat them without looking, breaking teeth and choking in the process. Everywhere else in the world, they rolled with it, but the U.S. government banned candy-embedded toys in the 1930s.

“Don’t worry, Sharks,” Whetstone says, there’s a way around it: His father patented a chocolate-covered plastic capsule thingy that technically complies with FDA regs. Sadly, here’s where our Rabbit chokes:

After he collects himself, it’s time for him to justify the gobsmacking TEN MILLION DOLLAR valuation! He claims $2.5 million in sales, but that all came in someone else’s packaging and brand. Then again, the contracted agreement is over, so they’re free to sell it on their own terms. The hitch: their patent runs out in two years. They have to ramp up right now and rush to corner the market before everyone else can start making their own.

“I see what you’re doing here,” Cuban says, “and it’s admirable.” But with the rush to market, Cuban doesn’t think he’s got the candy know-how to sell these things fast enough. One by one, the rest of the Sharks agree: It’s too rushed, there’s not enough time, none of them have a ready-made distribution channel and he’s underestimated the challenges of retail.

Swim or chum? “You go in there with it all planned out in your head, but it’s a lot different with the cameras and lights on you.” Uh, yup. That’s why it’s the Shark Tank! CHUM.

Should you buy? As a parent, cheap crappy toys that are then treasured items we have to keep forever are the bane of my existence. SHOULD NOT BUY.

Company: Doug Foreman, “Biem”

Seeking: $500,000 for a five percent stake

“The problem with butter is—” I’m going to stop you right there, Doug. There is not one darn thing wrong with butter.

“…it’s hard and cold!” Well, yeah, that’s why you keep one stick in a butter dish outside of the fridge, even though that seems fundamentally gross. But Foreman’s Biem butter spray does for butter what oil atomizers do for olive oil and whoooooooa that’s really cool:

Pump the brakes, foodies. This slick little tool costs a whopping $137, and the manufacturing cost of $43 means there’s not much cheaper it can get.

On the plus side for the Sharks, Foreman’s got both utility and design patents — and best of all, he’s an experienced entrepreneur who’s already built a business to a healthy exit. The U.S. cooking spray market is $375 million, and Foreman thinks Biem can capture $10 million of that next year.

Daymond ditches the preamble: Foreman, a savvy businessman himself, wouldn’t do this deal for five percent himself. “So why are we at five percent?”

Foreman’s answer is smirkingly simple: “Because I haven’t received an offer otherwise.” Fair enough, so Daymond throws one out there: $500,000 for 17.5 percent. Mister Wonderful thinks he can sell it directly to his customer base right now; he offers 15 percent.

Lori loves what he’s brought to the table:

She tables an interesting offer: $600,000 for 20 percent. That’s actually a lower valuation than the others! Lori insists her background in product development and direct sales justifies the premium. She asks if it can get any cheaper, and yes — they can ditch the stainless steel exterior and make a low-end model.

The offers keep rolling in, and the crosstalk heats up. Then Daymond points out that when Sharks make you offers and you don’t acknowledge their offer, the offers start to disappear.

DRAMATIC COMMERCIAL BREEAAAAAAAAAK.

Cuban wants to know what he really wants. Why’s he here? What does he want? Doug’s answer isn’t satisfying; Daymond pulls his offer. Lori asks what Foreman was thinking of last night; he says he thought someone like Cuban might be a great fit. That’s all Robert needs to hear; he’s out. Is Cuban in?

LOL, no. He’s not.

Is there any offer Foreman WILL accept? Will he finally make a counter or something? Yes: He asks Lori to match Mr. Wonderful’s last offer of $500,000 for 15 percent. She will! In fact, “just for fun,” she lowers it to 14. Foreman dithers again, prompting her to ask exactly what he doesn’t see attractive about the ACTUAL QUEEN OF DIRECT SALES which is allegedly WHAT HE WANTED.

“Maybe I should go out!”

Swim or chum? “Lori, let’s do a deal,” he says, and we say right along with her: FINALLY. SWIM.

Should you buy? This is completely rad, especially if they come out with the cheaper edition. If you cook and don’t love leaving butter out you definitely SHOULD BUY.

Company: Mallory, Madison and Viara Boyd, “Angels & Tomboys”

Seeking: $55,000 for a 20 percent stake

A Kid Pitch! I love kid pitches, but this is an especially great one. I’ll let the girls introduce their line of sweet-smelling tween-targeted body sprays:

My 12-year-old daughter is sitting right next to me, let’s see what she thinks.

“This is AWESOME,” she says. She’s also a massive fan of frozen hot chocolates, so that particular scent featuring heavily is right up her alley.

Okay, so they’ve got a great brand and product. Is anyone buying? So far, absolutely: Angels & Tomboys have moved 5,000 units online, for a total of $59,000 in sales. The Sharks express a little concern over the $12 price point, but the girls know their market:

Lori thinks there are competitive novelty scents in drugstores, etc. Aren’t there competitors? Yes, but nothing in scents young girls love or at the quality they’re offering.

“I don’t think this category exists,” says Mister Wonderful, “that’s the big risk.”

“No,” Cuban disagrees. “That’s the real upside.”

Lori points out that celebrities with huge personal brands have entered this space and failed. She’s out.

“My biggest challenge is that after this is on somebody, you can’t see it. You have to market it dollar by dollar,” Daymond says. He’d like to go in with Cuban, who’s willing. They make a joint offer: $60,000 for 33 percent. Are they in?

Swim or chum? “I have my angel, I have my tomboy, and I believe they’re both beautiful and wonderful.” You also have two killer Sharks! SWIM.

Should you buy? “For real, though,” says my daughter. “So many girls leave scents in their locker and fill the whole hall with like, synthetic flower stink.” Parents of tweens who want to smell good: my daughter pleads that you SHOULD BUY.

About Ty Schalter

Ty Schalter is thrilled to be part of The Comeback. A member of the Pro Football Writers of America, Ty also works as an NFL columnist for Bleacher Report and VICE Sports, and regular host for Sirius XM’s Bleacher Report Radio. In another life, he was an IT cubicle drone with a pretentious Detroit Lions blog.

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