It was Fantasy Suite week on The Bachelorette, otherwise known as Double Entendre Week, or the episode where JoJo spends the entire evening dangling her lady parts in front of the contestants.

First, though, there was some unfinished business to address. Last we saw our favorite whiny white people, Luke was breaking Rose Ceremony protocol (THE NERVE!) and pulling JoJo aside so that he could, for the first time, confess his love to her. This, just minutes after JoJo told the cameras that she was going to have to send Luke home because she wasn’t sure where he stood (a phrase she might as well trademark at this point). They might be cruel puppet masters, but the producers of this slop sure do earn their cash.

That’s where we picked things up. And what did Luke’s last-minute declaration earn him? A one-way ticket back to the ranch, while the other three fellas got to go to Thailand.

GOING HOME

Luke: I’ll say this for Luke: he seemed genuinely shocked and heart-broken by JoJo’s decision. At first I wasn’t sure whether his last-minute “I Love You” chat was an actual come-to-Jesus moment or the result of some prodding from the producers. After seeing his reaction to being sent home, though, well, you be the judge:

Luke’s got the personality of a rock and the IQ of a mug, which is why I think he was one of the few contestants who genuinely went on the show to find love. He’s not cunning enough to manipulate the Bachelor machine and leverage it into fame. Luke may be the first contestant I’ve ever felt bad for. “I was in love with her, but I never got the chance to love with her,” he said after being sent home. That right sort of says it all.

Thing is, the more I think about it, the more I realize Luke never had a chance. JoJo’s after fame. She wants someone who can escort her down the red carpet of the Nickelodeon Teen Choice Awards, not a simple rancher more comfortable rocking jeans and no shirt.

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Luke never fit the bill. If not for having actual abs and rocking the only hair style that JoJo seems to be attracted to, he probably would have been sent home in Week 2.

Chase: My man! But before we get to why he, momentarily, became my favorite Bachelorette contestant of the season, and possibly ever, let’s re-live Chase making out with a fish.

About Yaron Weitzman

Yaron Weitzman is a freelance writer based in New York whose work frequently appears on The Comeback, SB Nation and in SLAM Magazine. He's also been published on SB Nation Longform, The Cauldron, Tablet Magazine and in the Journal News. Yaron can be followed on Twitter @YaronWeitzman