To quote the late, great Dennis Hooper, pop quiz, hot shot: What’s chock-full of nauseating clichés and moves as slow as a tortoise in quicksand? If you guessed the Bachelorette finale, then you win our grand prize.

It took two hours for JoJo to decide between Jordan and Robby — though it’s understandable that she was a bit a confused, considering that’s about the total amount time she spent with each of them before getting engaged — and an additional hour to address the wreckage with Chris Harrison during the annual After Show Special.

That said, the finale hit every note it was supposed to. Shirts were removed. Tears were shed. Advice was given. Emotions were discussed. Hearts were broken. Did I mention shirts were removed?

About Yaron Weitzman

Yaron Weitzman is a freelance writer based in New York whose work frequently appears on The Comeback, SB Nation and in SLAM Magazine. He's also been published on SB Nation Longform, The Cauldron, Tablet Magazine and in the Journal News. Yaron can be followed on Twitter @YaronWeitzman