osweiler

Good morning.

For a long time I used that song as my alarm clock, and it kind of shocked me that more people didn’t do that. It’s the perfect alarm clock song. It starts softly and crescendos into that first “good morning,” then hits you with a soothing little harmony. The first verse doesn’t come in until you’re fully awake. I’m pretty sure Kanye made this song intending for people to use it as their alarm clocks, and he’s probably pissed more people don’t. Cool music video, too.

Brock Osweiler shows why the Broncos let him go

DENVER, CO - OCTOBER 24:  Quarterback Brock Osweiler #17 of the Houston Texans tries to listen to plays in the first quarter of the game against the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 24, 2016 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)
DENVER, CO – OCTOBER 24: Quarterback Brock Osweiler #17 of the Houston Texans tries to listen to plays in the first quarter of the game against the Denver Broncos at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 24, 2016 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

The Broncos played the Texans on Monday Night Football, in what you might call The Brock Osweiler Bowl. Denver won the game, 27-9 and also won by virtue of not having Osweiler on their roster.

The former Broncos quarterback continued his awful debut season in Houston, completing 22 of 41 passes for only 132 yards, while fumbling three times. He was very, very bad.

Osweiler now ranks 24th in the NFL in passing yards, 29th in completion percentage, 30th in yards per attempt and 30th in quarterback rating.

Meanwhile former Northwestern great passable quarterback Trevor Siemian was unspectacular in his seventh start for the Broncos but was certainly better than Osweiler, completing 14 of 25 passes for 157 yards a touchdown without turning the ball over. Every day, Denver looks wiser for letting Osweiler walk. Siemian has better numbers and has led his team to a better record. And then there’s this:

Yeah, Osweiler is getting $37 million in guaranteed money over this year and next, so we’re not going to feel too bad for him.

Arian Foster calls it quits

HOUSTON, TX - DECEMBER 01:  Injured Houston Texans running back Arian Foster waits on the field before the game against the New England Patriots at Reliant Stadium on December 1, 2013 in Houston, Texas.  (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
HOUSTON, TX – DECEMBER 01: Injured Houston Texans running back Arian Foster waits on the field before the game against the New England Patriots at Reliant Stadium on December 1, 2013 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

Dolphins’ running back Arian Foster retired Monday after seven and a half seasons in the NFL. Foster was a great player, an unlikely success story, an astute critic of the NCAA and a semi-flamboyant atheist. But what I’ll remember him for most is his hilarious skepticism of cat owners.

Grantland (R.I.P.) had the full rundown of Foster’s joust with cat folks, but here are some sample tweets:

Hopefully retirement brings Foster more time to tweet, because the world needs more gems like this one:

Quick Hits

– The Cubs’ Kyle Schwarber will likely DH Game 1 of the World Series after being out since April. He hasn’t faced Major-League pitching in months and can barely run. What could go wrong?

– The Indians’ Jason Kipnis is a lifelong Cubs fan now tasked with extending Chicago’s curse. Turns out he went to the same high school as Steve Bartman and hopes the poor guy will come out of hiding to throw out a first pitch. Kipnis’ life is so good right now that he even gets free Chipotle in Cleveland.

– Tom Brady actually offered a coherent opinion about an off-field issue.

– Giants cornerback Eli Apple is cool with his mother being a badass.

– Geno Smith has a torn ACL. Beats getting punched in the jaw, I guess.

– Russell Wilson thinks overtime games should be decided by a field goal contest. He didn’t seem to be kidding.

– A New York Times television critic watched two episodes of Goliath out of order, then complained that the show’s plot structure was funny.

– Channeling his inner Antonio Brown, an MLS player got a yellow card for twerking.

One Last Moment of Procrastination

In honor of Arian Foster’s feelings toward cats…

About Alex Putterman

Alex is a writer and editor for The Comeback and Awful Announcing. He has written for The Atlantic, VICE Sports, MLB.com, SI.com and more. He is a proud alum of Northwestern University and The Daily Northwestern. You can find him on Twitter @AlexPutterman.