The NFL finally turns in a week worth watching!
I’m not going to start off your work week by getting all political on you this morning. This post is supposed to be fun, and gosh darn it we’re going to try and do just that! So settle in and let’s run through another Sunday of NFL football and get this week started on the right foot. Fortunately, we had one of the best weeks of the season so far from the NFL.
Ezekiel Elliott does it again, stuns Steelers
Just when it looked as though the Dallas Cowboys were going to be taken down for the first time since Week 1, Ezekiel Elliott and the Cowboys prove there just might be something magical going on with them this season. How else can we really explain it at this point?
Well, we can start by stating without hesitation that Ezekiel Elliott is the best running back in the NFL, and he’s only played nine games. Ever. It helps having one of the best offensive lines to run behind, but my goodness this kid continues to impress on the football field at every opportunity. On Sunday in Pittsburgh, Elliott rushed for 114 yards and two touchdowns and caught two passes for 95 yards and another touchdown, including this game-winner in the final minute, the same minute that saw the Steelers take a late 30-28 lead on the Cowboys.
Elliott is starting to make some history on his way to Rookie of the Year, and maybe even an MVP award.
Ezekiel Elliott now with 1,005 rushing yards, along with a run at Offensive Rookie of Year and NFL MVP.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) November 14, 2016
Ezekiel Elliott is putting up historic numbers.
He has 3rd most rush yards through his 1st 9 games in NFL history, joining elite company. pic.twitter.com/8A9IALpxgR
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) November 14, 2016
Ezekiel Elliott can’t stop, won’t stop. pic.twitter.com/yBoSfKerG0
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) November 14, 2016
And how about this stat? It’s as much a credit to the Dallas offensive line as it is a criticism of the Steelers defense.
74 of Ezekiel Elliott's 114 rushing yards against PIT came BEFORE contact.
That Dallas offensive line deserves a lot of credit.
— Vinnie Ronca (@PFF_Vinnie) November 14, 2016
And while we’re paying so much attention to Elliott, I should also remind you the NFL got bombarded with DEEZ NUTS jokes following a tweet reacting to Dez Bryant’s solid showing in Pittsburgh. Bryant was playing with a heavy heart after losing his dad the previous day.
Seahawks and Patriots Goes the Distance
The stakes may have been considerably lower than the last time these two played in the Supe r Bowl two years ago, but the drama was as good as it could get for a regular season game. The teams exchanged the lead seven times and it all came down to one final play. And of course it came from one yard away from the end zone.
Russell Wilson passed for 348 yards and three touchdowns, while Tom Brady also hit the 300-yard mark (316 yards) but was without a touchdown pass and one interception. The Patriots did their damage on the ground with LeGarrette Blount running for 69 yards and three touchdowns. The Pats needed just one more TD from him and nearly got it in the final minute, but the Seahawks hung tough for one last defensive stand.
It all came down to one final play for the Patriots. On 4th and Goal, after the Seahawks stuffed LeGarrett Blount leaping over the pile and Brady lost control of a QB sneak, the Patriots took to the air on a fade, perhaps the absolute worst play the Patriots or any team could possibly run from one yard out. Ban the Fade. The throw went to Rob Gronkowski in the end zone, but fell out of reach of the Pro Bowl tight end, who probably should have been flagged for offensive pass interference anyway.
That Marshawn sign on this play
The NFL Blitz
Chiefs 20, Panthers 17: If it hasn’t already sunk in, the post-Super Bowl hangover curse for the Carolina Panthers is alive and well. The Panthers blew a 17-0 lead at home to see the Kansa sCity Chiefs leave Charlotte with a 20-17 lead. This Eric Berry Pick-Six in the fourth quarter may have been the turning point in the game.
OH. MY. GOODNESS.@Stuntman1429 picks off Cam…
And SOMEHOW finds paydirt.
Unbelievable. #ChiefsKingdom #KCvsCAR https://t.co/LcTYHfwwxb
— NFL (@NFL) November 13, 2016
Andy Reid has his Chiefs sitting in first place in the AFC West, thanks to a tiebreaker with Oakland. The Chiefs have even found a way to brand their postgame locker room video on Twitter.
How bout those FIRST PLACE CHIEEEEEFS!
Post-game locker room celebration shot on a @Garmin Virb Ultra 30. pic.twitter.com/f72JBquieb
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) November 13, 2016
Broncos 25, Saints 23: You just have to see how Denver came up with a win in New Orleans, because it was really something…
It turns out this John Elway may not be a bad GM…
Today marked the 100th game of the @johnelway GM era (since '11). Broncos have 2nd most wins (71-29, .710) in the NFL during that time. pic.twitter.com/kkojAfihNy
— Patrick Smyth (@psmyth12) November 13, 2016
Eagles 24, Falcons 15: After two straight losses in the division on the road, the Eagles returned home to host the Falcons, and Jim Schwartz had his defense ready to play. Oh sure, Julio Jones got his stats against the Eagles, but Matt Ryan and company were held to just two out of 11 third down conversions in the game, making it difficult to do much on the road. The Eagles held the football for a little over 38 minutes and picked up 25 first downs in the win.
Titans 47, Packers 25: Let’s have a chat about the Packers, shall we? They are not very good. Aaron Rodgers was picked off twice to negate his 371 yards and two touchdowns, with Davante Adams (156 yards) and Jordy Nelson (126 yards) doing serious damage, but not nearly enough. The Packers defense is a mess, as Marcus Mariota tossed four touchdowns in the win. DeMarco Murray also rushed for 123 yards and a touchdown in the Titans win.
8 seconds left in 1st quarter:
Aaron Rodgers has as many completions as DeMarco Murray (1).
Titans: 231 yards, 3 TDs
Packers: 17 yards
— Kevin Patra (@kpatra) November 13, 2016
Just like everyone expected, the #Packers go down 21-0 to the #Titans
Things were so lopsided, the Titans started taking naps on the field!
The Packers left @Show19ine all alone.
And the @titans took advantage.
33-yard TOUCHDOWN! #TitanUp #GBvsTEN https://t.co/3wbV02vJ5z
— NFL (@NFL) November 13, 2016
If things keep going this way, the Packers could be heading toward a coaching change soon.
Texans 24, Jaguars 21: This might be one of the more fascinating interceptions we see this season…
Jay Cutler: bet you can't throw interceptions worse than me.
Blake Bortles: Hold my beer.pic.twitter.com/lC6d6VHtvG
— Franže Bropitar (@TFPWillEat) November 13, 2016
The tune about Bortles seems to be taking a rather ugly turn in Jacksonville…
That was Blake Bortles' 9th career pick six.
The most in the NFL since the start of 2014 (his rookie season). pic.twitter.com/uzQOF4ZJUp
— NFL on ESPN (@ESPNNFL) November 13, 2016
Can you believe Blake Bortles now has nine pick sixes in his career.
— John Clayton (@ClaytonESPN) November 13, 2016
If Blake Bortles didn't have garbage time to inflate his numbers, this fact would be undeniable: He's simply terrible. Bottom 5 starting QB
— nick wright (@getnickwright) November 13, 2016
Dak Prescott career wins: 8
Blake Bortles career wins: 10
Redskins 26, Vikings 20: Hey, remember when the Vikings were undefeated? It was a much simpler time when we just assumed Hillary Clinton was going to be president and there was no way the Cubs would actually win the World Series. Well, they’re now just one game over .500 after a fourth straight loss. The latest setback came on the road against Washington.
120 teams have started 5-0 in NFL history. The Vikings are the 3rd of those 120 teams to follow a 5-0 start..with 4 straight losses
— trey wingo (@wingoz) November 13, 2016
Vikings fans right now… pic.twitter.com/bBAc77hyGa
— Drunk Zach Parise (@DrunkZachParise) November 13, 2016
They may have lost Jake Long to a serious injury in the loss as well.
#Vikings coach Mike Zimmer says at his press conference that OT Jake Long suffered an Achilles injury that is believed to be season-ending
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) November 13, 2016
Dolphins 31, Chargers 24: It was a rough week for the Chargers. First, the fans reject their stadium plans on election day, then the Dolphins come in and pick off Phillip Rivers four times IN THE FOURTH QUARTER of a 31-24 victory.
Phillip Rivers threw as many INTs in the 4th Quarter as Tom Brady threw the entire 2010 season.
— Mike Loyko (@NEPD_Loyko) November 14, 2016
Cardinals 23, 49ers 20: A little free advice to the San Francisco 49ers. Chip Kelly should NOT be in control of your draft. Cut him loose and let him go back to college. Save yourself form this, because it might not get much better.
Chip Kelly has lost 8 straight.
Started NFL career: 20-9
Since then: 7-20 pic.twitter.com/M0EJay3sae
— John Clark CSN (@JClarkCSN) November 14, 2016
Chip Kelly's record in SF isn't his only problem. What DeMarco Murray has done before and AFTER his Eagles tenure with Chip isn't helping
— trey wingo (@wingoz) November 13, 2016
Buccaneers 36, Bears 10: The way Jay Cutler’s career has gone, it is amazing he has yet to play for the Cleveland Browns. It would only be fitting to have the NFL’s Charlie Brown play for the Browns. Cutler was at it again showing off the good and the mostly bad and the ugly of what he and the Bears have been doing this season. Oh sure, he had a nice little Hail Mary touchdown at the end of the first half in Tampa…
… but he also got picked off on back-to-back offensive snaps. Not good, Jay! The Chicago Sun-Times had some fun with the latest disappoitnment…
Our back page featuring the, ahem, #Bears pic.twitter.com/CSf84oBWQp
— Chris De Luca (@ChrisDeLuca) November 14, 2016
And let’s not forget this ridiculous play by Jameis Winston…
It reminded me of a 2004 Monday Night Game between the Eagles and Cowboys when Donovan McNabb did this…
I miss John Madden.
Rams 9, Jets 6: If you thought I saved the best for last, oh my you were horribly mistaken. The Bryce Petty era for the Jets, if that is what we are witnessing, got off to a very bumpy start with the former Baylor quarterback completing 19 of 32 passes for 163 yards and a touchdown with an interception. The Jets were just 4-of-12 on third downs. If not for the Jets defense, and for playing the Rams, the Jets would have been blown away. The Rams stuck with Case Keenum and managed just 280 yards of offense and came up empty on all three red zone trips. But at least the Rams have the future to look forward to with No. 1 draft pick Jared Goff reportedly getting ready for his first career start.
I’ll spare you any clips from this one. You’re welcome.
All Your Rowdy Friends Are Here for Monday Night
The New York Giants host the Cincinnati Bengals for Monday Night Football tonight. The Bengals come in as a slight favorite despite having a not-so-inspiring season so far. The Giants are 3-1 at home, including last week’s game win against the Eagles.
Don’t @ Me: Top Five Lines From Spaceballs
- They’ve gone to plaid!
- I hate it when my Schwartz gets twisted!
- I knew it, I’m surrounded by Asshole’s.
- When will then be now? (SOON!)
- Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
– You thought we were done with baseball? Nope! Check out Japan’s equivalent to Madison Bumgarner launching a homer in the Tokyo Dome!
– The nation has a new president in Donald Trump and he and his transition team are working to piece together a cabinet. Could Linda McMahon be a part of this lineup? It is reportedly a possibility to have the former WWE executive under consideration for a role as Secretary of Commerce. Will this lead to Oval Office addresses to the nation being aired on Pay Per View?
– I’m still trying to figure out exactly what this is…
@RedditCFB So this just happened at Wake vs Louisville pic.twitter.com/kqWmmJcc0v
— srs_house (@srs_house) November 13, 2016
– There are multiple scenarios in which Penn State could play for the Big Ten championship this season.
It's going to be a wild two weeks. Here are your Big Ten East scenarios. https://t.co/c8cyV0JrM8 pic.twitter.com/X7V7nzPlxa
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) November 13, 2016
– Saturday Night Live hit all the right chords in responding to the fallout of the election last week. Having Dave Chappelle as the host was a bit of good timing, because he delivered.
One last gratuitous moment of procrastination
So we’re getting closer to the new Star Wars movie and an international trailer just hit the Internet recently. So here’s a breakdown of the latest international trailer, because why not?