The Cheat SheetBy Jay Rigdon on

What’s your favorite 90s thing?

I’ve been thinking about that lately, and for me, it might be music. I’m not terribly nostalgic, but give me a few guitar-centric pop-rock hits from the 90s and I’ll blast them and sing along like an idiot. (Might listen to “Closing Time” right now, in fact.) But there were other 90s things that weren’t bad. I mean, some movies weren’t great, TV is so much better now, obviously technology has improved…I don’t know. Maybe it’s just “Closing Time” that was great.

(I see you, person that can’t wait to tell me “Closing Time” sucks. You’re dead wrong!)

Russell Westbrook agrees to extension with Thunder

PORTLAND, OR - OCTOBER 29: Russell Westbrook #0 of the Oklahoma City Thunder celebrates after scoring in the first quarter of the game against the Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center on October 29, 2014 in Portland, Oregon. NOTE TO USER: User expressly ackowledges and agrees that by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Steve Dykes/Getty Images)
PORTLAND, OR – OCTOBER 29: Russell Westbrook #0 of the Oklahoma City Thunder holds his heart in a similar fashion to how he likely did it when he realized Kevin Durant had left for Golden State (Photo by Steve Dykes/Getty Images)

Well, this escalated quickly. Reports Wednesday night had Westbrook nearing an agreement:

And then, suddenly, the agreement was reached:

This deal makes sense from both sides. It allows Russ to time his eventual free agency to the moment in which he might be able to sign the biggest deal possible for him:

While also guaranteeing the Thunder both the continued services of Westbrook, and the potential to move him should he not prove likely to sign a long-term deal:

Westbrook will likely be out for blood this season, though how that looks different from regular Russ remains to be seen. However, it is significant that he’s willing to commit to OKC for at least a few more years, as opposed to seeking a quick exit after this season now that Durant is gone. If you’ve watched Westbrook play, you know that he absolutely, unequivocally considers himself the best player on the court, regardless of who else is out there. (Regardless of court, probably, too; he’d probably like his own chances at Wimbledon. Which I now want to see.)

Is there a way to represent, in edited gif form, exactly the sort of revenge Westbrook will seek to impart upon his former teammate Durant and Durant’s new team? Why yes, I’m glad you asked:

https://twitter.com/tole_cover/status/761050878576988160

Chiefs sign QB Nick Foles

Hey remember when Nick Foles wasn’t terrible? He had one (admittedly good) season under Chip Kelly, and folks began to wonder if perhaps he, not Andrew Luck or Russell Wilson or Cam Newton or anyone else, was the best young quarterback in the league?

Andy Reid remembers, apparently, as the Chiefs signed Foles yesterday:

As with so many things related to ESPN’s football coverage, this signing is viewed through the prism of the effect it has on the Cowboys. (I’m only surprised they didn’t shoehorn in a reference to Tom Brady.) Foles is now settling in nicely to the backup role for which he was perhaps always destined, although the same could have been said for Chiefs starter Alex Smith, so what do I know?

Reid is very good with quarterbacks, and Foles is probably an ideal backup QB, of which there are two kinds: solid veteran with experience but a limited ceiling, and younger player with major question marks but tantalizing glimpses of early success. (Essentially, you’re either a “Kyle Orton” or a “Mark Sanchez”.) The great thing is, Sanchez-type quarterbacks often evolve into Orton-type quarterbacks.

Oh, yeah, the Cowboys. I guess this has an effect on them, since Tony Romo always gets hurt, and they don’t really have an experienced backup of any kind after Kellen Moore went down. Might it be time to break the emergency glass on the Jimmy Clausen fire extinguisher? We can only hope.

Quick hits

NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 31: Quarterback Tom Brady of the New England Patriots leaves federal court after contesting his four game suspension with the NFL on August 31, 2015 in New York City. U.S. District Judge Richard Berman had required NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and Brady to be present in court when the NFL and NFL Players Association reconvened their dispute over Brady's four-game Deflategate suspension. The two sides failed to reach an agreement to their seven-month standoff. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY – AUGUST 31: Quarterback Tom Brady of the New England Patriots leaves federal court  (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

-It was Tom Brady’s 39th birthday. Hooray for Tom. Perhaps he celebrated like the old times, back when everything was simpler and he wasn’t facing a four-game suspension for allegedly tampering with game equipment, lying about it, and throwing the equipment managers he’d coerced into his dirty work under the bus, with a fun trip down the waterslide:

tom-brady-waterslide

 

-Michael Phelps is going to carry the US flag at the opening ceremonies of the 2016 Olympics. I can’t be the only one tired of having Michael Phelps shoved in my face every four years, right? The last summer games without Phelps was Atlanta ’96! I know he’s physically designed to swim very fast, but man. Here’s the best Michael Phelps-related Olympic moment, and it wasn’t even him doing the swimming:

-Nike Golf is shutting down the equipment side of their business, and will now focus on apparel and footwear. No more clubs, balls, or bags. What this means for Nike tour staffers, including Rory McIlroy, Brooks Koepka, and (presumably eventually someday again) Tiger Woods, remains to be seen.

-Speaking of golf and the Olympics, Matt Kuchar just learned yesterday that Olympic golf is not a team event. Which is even funnier considering he’s playing in the freaking Olympics. Sigh.

-There’s another stadium-financing fiasco brewing, this time with the Texas Rangers.

-Michael and Martellus Bennett gave a long-winded interview in which they ripped just about everyone, saving special hatred for Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. (Michael referred to him as the NFL’s worst quarterback.) Cutler responded as could be expected from the always negative, sullen, poor-teammate of a QB:

Smooth.

-Here’s a look a what’s wrong with Any Given Wednesday. My opinion: Bill Simmons, who is just never going to carry a television show in any capacity.

-A child who’d received a double-hand transplant threw out the first pitch at an Orioles game. That’s awesome. Good luck not smiling.

-Joc Pederson tried to rob a home run at Coors, and ended up just losing his glove over the wall:

https://vine.co/v/5quKviXVgmF

Fake news headline I wish was real

Super-Wealthy Denounce Trump for Ruining Ruse That It Takes Talent, Intelligence To Be Super-Wealthy

One last glorious moment of procrastination

This is a good dog, despite the fact that he’s struggling with this ball. It’s okay, bud. Happens to the best of us, and the desire is there.

Majestic as Fuc

About Jay Rigdon

Jay is a columnist at Awful Announcing. He is not a strong swimmer. He is probably talking to a dog in a silly voice at this very moment.

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